


One Too Many Nights Between Us

by al-the-remix (only_blue)



Series: Alpha/Alpha Series [2]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 2019-2020 NHL Season, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bonding, Courting Rituals, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hook-Up, M/M, Marking, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Romance, Rutting, Scenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:00:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23685046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only_blue/pseuds/al-the-remix
Summary: Zhenya felt like Sid was his person; could be his person for a long time. He just hadn’t told him that yet.
Relationships: Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin
Series: Alpha/Alpha Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705681
Comments: 36
Kudos: 177





	One Too Many Nights Between Us

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prequel to [Knot Rookie](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384183) (you can read in wich ever order you'd like)
> 
> Thank you sevenfists for reining in my inventive punctuation and dialogue tagging :)

Sully agreed to take Sid with them on the western Canada road trip after much campaigning and wheedling on Sid’s part. Zhenya was glad that he'd agreed. He could tell that Sid was bored out of his mind after four weeks of IR. Sid had gotten the all-clear to skate for the past week but he needed something more to do with himself than just sit at home or go to rehab. 

Zhenya had known that it was time to change things up when Sid let his patchy beard grow out and the number of photos he posted in the group chat increased exponentially. Zhenya had opened up the app one too many times this month to find progress shots of Sid’s incision scar with his junk carefully cupped out of the way. Looking at them made the back of Zhenya’s neck heat and his throat go dry in a way he wasn’t entirely comfortable with. 

Sid boarded the plane to cheers and grinning until his eyes folded into crescents. He sat at the back with the group of them that played cards and happily chatted. 

“It’s good to be back, fellas,” Sid said, and directed a private smile at Zhenya when he dealt Sid in. 

Zhenya felt good about the road trip ahead of them and even better to have Sid there with them for moral support. People were often too quick to overlook the importance of having personality guys on a team. It was especially nice when they won against Calgary 4-1 making it a three-game winning streak and Sid was there, waiting for them in the hallway when they came off the ice. He shook everyone’s hands as they filed past him, grinning broadly, and bumped Zhenya’s fist when he passed him. Sid bought everyone a round when they went to celebrate downtown, and Zhenya felt settled in a way he hadn’t been for weeks. It was just one more step closer to getting their team back together. 

It was less fun the next morning. Zhenya was sure, in theory, that an outdoor practice sounded like a great idea. Just not for him, and especially not if he had to wake up before ten. He could probably just flat-out refuse to go and get away with it. He’d even only feel a tiny bit guilty about it. He rolled over, determined to go back to sleep. Then a buzz came from the bedside table. Zhenya sighed, resigned. It was a text message from a private number: 

_If you come I’ll buy you coffee_

Zhenya could buy himself coffee. He could also pretend he’d never seen the message. He rolled out of bed and went to go splash water on his face in the bathroom. 

It was admittedly a very nice outdoor rink. The air was crisp and clear in that way that made you feel awake, even when you didn’t want to be. Zhenya had bundled up against it, protesting the cold weather till the bitter end. Sid was leaning against the boards, a red coffee cup clutched loosely in his hand. He watched them play, calling out advice from the sidelines that wasn’t faithful to any one side. It always amused Zhenya to watch the way the younger players scrambled to follow what was essentially just hockey word vomit. He skated over to Sid and slouched against the boards beside him. He was at least a head shorter than Zhenya out of skates and Zhenya was surprised that Sid hadn’t tried to jam his feet into some when nobody was watching. 

“How are you? Still hungover?”

Zhenya pulled the mouth of his balaclava down so he could speak clearly. “No.”

Sid looked unconvinced. “Your eyes look like two pissholes in the snow, bud.”

Zhenya scowled deeper. 

“Here, have some of this.” Sid handed his cup of coffee over. It was too sweet and milky for Zhenya’s liking, but Sid smiled at him which made most things worthwhile.

Sid reached over and tugged at the corner of Zhenya’s balaclava. “It’s a good look on you.”

Flustered, Zhenya pulled it back over his mouth and nose, handed Sid back the cup of liquid sugar he called coffee, and skated away to the sound of laughter. 

Zhenya complained about his cold feet and hands until he was positive no one would dare bother him for the rest of the day and went off to soak in the hot water of his hotel shower. He sat in bed with the TV on low, not really paying attention, scrolling through his phone instead. The Pens’ media team had already posted photos from today on their Instagram page. There was a photo of Sid doling out coffee to the team from one of those cartons that served ten. Zhenya liked it. 

There was a low knock at the door. Zhenya grunted in protest but got up to answer it anyway. There was Sid on the other side, still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with his hands stuffed firmly in his pockets. 

“Sup, you busy?” 

Zhenya shook his head and moved out of the way when Sid invited himself in. 

Sid paused, hovering in the middle of the room when he saw that the covers were turned down. “Oh, were you going to nap?”

“No, it’s okay.” Zhenya went over to the bed and flipped the covers back up. He took off his glasses and set them on the bedside table, rubbing his eyes. At this point, he might as well just stay up. 

“I always forget you wear those.” Sid was still just standing there, in the in-between, like he hadn’t fully committed himself to being here yet. Zhenya watched him rock back on his heels and look around. 

Zhenya wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing here either. Between their two injuries, they hadn’t spent a lot of time alone together this season. Zhenya had used Sid’s pool a few times during the training camp but that had been it. 

“I was watching TV, you want to sit?” Zhenya offered belatedly. 

Sid nodded and his hands came out of his pockets. He dragged the armchair over from beside the window and closer to the bed. Some talk show was playing on the screen, Zhenya fiddled with the remote and sat stiffly on the bed. He felt alert and aware of himself and Sid in the room in a way he couldn’t account for. Sid didn’t seem so preoccupied, and if he was, he didn’t show it. He was splayed out casually in the chair, fingers woven and resting over his stomach. 

For two people in similar situations, they had never really talked about it and Zhenya was fine with that. Sid had always been careful with how much time he spent alone with Alphas on his team and he had made it clear a long time ago that he didn’t shit where he ate. 

Zhenya settled in for a bit, putting his glasses back on and curling his legs underneath him, keeping his eyes on the screen. Sid had never really been careful with Zhenya. He had had Sid over to his house by himself and with Seryozha and with Zhenya’s parents. Zhenya had stayed with Sid for a bit during Sid’s concussion and Zhenya’s injury. It was a worn-in and well-loved friendship. 

Zhenya let Sid be in charge of the remote and they watched the Avalanche beat the Blackhawks 4-1. Sid started yawning repeatedly during the post-game and Zhenya felt like a bag of jello, seeping out on the bed. 

Eventually, Sid got up. “I’m going to go hit the hay.” He squeezed Zhenya’s foot as he walked past him on the way out the door. “Thanks.”

Zhenya gave him a half-hearted wave from the bed and watched him go. He still wasn’t sure what exactly he’d done that was worth being thanked for, but that was for worrying about some other time.

They flew to Edmonton in the morning, not too early, which Zhenya was thankful for. Sid still wasn’t out on the ice with them at practice but Zhenya was aware of him being around in a way he’d missed the past month. 

Edmonton was a crappy city but very few things gave Zhenya as much joy as creaming the Oilers on their home ice. They won 5-1, although there was no going out and celebration on back to backs, everyone piling instead onto the late-night plane to Vancouver. Zhenya tucked himself against the window and watched the blinking light on the tip of the plane wing like a beacon in a sea of black. Zhenya drew his blanket up to his chin and tried to get some sleep.

There was another knock at the door. This time Zhenya really was getting ready for bed when he opened it. At least Sid had the decency to look sheepish. 

“Sorry, is this okay? I can’t sleep yet.”

Zhenya stepped aside, Sid was dressed in jeans and no shoes on his socked feet. He guessed this was going to be the new normal until Sid got the all-clear. Zhenya didn’t know how he felt about being the distraction. 

“Did you try jerking off?” Zhenya suggested and closed the door behind him. 

“Har har,” Sid said drily. There was no armchair in this room so he grabbed the desk chair and wheeled it over beside the bed. 

They sat there in silence as Sid flicked through the channels. Zhenya felt irritated and he didn’t know why. Sid was being weird, hovering so far away like that. They weren’t like this. This was stupid. The irritation bubbled up inside him until the pressure was too much and finally, he snapped.

“Why are you sitting all the way over there like that and why are you wearing jeans?”

Sid just blinked at him owlishly.

Zhenya tried again. “Sit on the bed. Do you not own pyjamas?”

“Jeez, alright, alright.” Sid put his hands up in surrender. 

Zhenya didn’t snap at Sid often, but maybe he should, because Sid did as he was told and came over and sat down beside him. Zhenya shifted around to give him some room and Sid really made a point out of settling himself in. 

“Happy, or do you want me to take off my pants too?”

“This is good,” Zhenya said, flushing. He snatched the remote back, taking out his humiliation on the buttons. “And it’s my turn to pick.”

He settled on Sportsnet which was what Sid would have probably chosen anyways, but whatever. Sid was watching him out of the corner of his eye and Zhenya refused to succumb to his embarrassment. Sitting all the way over there like that was just dumb. Eventually, Sid relaxed. 

“These jeans are very comfy, by the way.”

Zhenya didn’t know how that was true. They looked sprayed on and snug in all the places Zhenya normally liked some breathing room. He felt Sid’s thigh brush his hand when he shifted. The fabric _was_ soft. 

Sid thanked him again when he left and Zhenya still didn’t know what to do with that but he was so tired it didn’t seem to matter that much anymore.

Despite their loss against the Canucks, Sid was waiting for them in the locker room all the same. Zhenya had to do press and everyone was waiting to get on the bus when he was finally done and dressed. He sat beside Sid and leaned over to speak to him in a fake whisper. “You owe me, I’m not doing another interview for the rest of the season.”

Sid chuckled. “Oh yeah? But you’re doing such a great job at it, I was thinking about handing over my responsibilities to you, go stay in Miami for the rest of the season instead."

Zhenya made a lot of loud noises and exclamations in protest because he knew it would make Sid laugh, and got a few looks from the other guys over the backs of their chairs.

Sid nudged Zhenya’s arm in the elevator up to their rooms. “I’m just going to go change, if that works for you?” Sid had that impish look on his face Zhenya knew all too well and he could only nod in response. 

He left the door unlocked, but Sid still knocked anyway and Zhenya called for him to come in. At least he was in sweats this time. 

“See, I learn,” Sid said, and held his hands out as if to say _here you go._

Sid sat with him on the bed without prompting. Zhenya had put Sportsnet on again by default. The anchors switched to a recap of the Pens-Canucks game, starting off by discussing Sid’s recovery timeline, and Zhenya quickly changed the channel to a nature documentary. 

Sid sighed heavily out his nose beside him. “I just want to play again.”

“You will,” Zhenya insisted. Of course Sid would. He had to.

“I’ve been through this how many times and it always feels like I’m going crazy.”

Zhenya started, hesitantly, “Are you going to call Chris when you get back?”

He felt Sid stiffen. They didn’t stay in each other’s rooms on the road alone, and they didn’t talk about relationships. Not Sid’s at least. 

Sid shook his head. He started quietly, “I don’t think so. We--I broke things off before the surgery.” Sid paused for a moment before continuing. “It was, I couldn’t have sex and I didn’t really want him… hanging around?” he finished, wincing visibly. “Is that bad?”

Yeah, it was kind of bad, but it wasn’t surprising. Zhenya shook his head. “Sidney, Sidney...”

“What? Like you’re any better.”

Zhenya _was_ better. “I take people on dates-- _more than one,_ ” he said, knowing very well that Sid generally felt romancing was overrated. 

Sid was silent for a moment. “I take people on dates,” came Sid’s voice eventually, a quiet grumble from beside Zhenya. “We weren’t dating. We were just fucking.”

It was ridiculous: Zhenya had been exposed to a life of lockerroom talk and still hearing Sid say _fucking_ made him feel all hot and flustered like a schoolgirl. Zhenya reached over and patted Sid on the thigh in commiseration. “Don’t worry, you’ll get a doctor’s note and get back to fucking soon.” He squeezed Sid above the knee and heard him suck in a quiet breath. 

Zhenya let his hand rest there for a second too long, brushing his thumb in a small caress over the outside seam, before pulling it away, his heartbeat running away from him. He tucked his hands into his sleeves and in against his sides, under his armpits so he wouldn't do anything else stupid. 

On the screen, a zebra got dragged underwater before it even realized what was happening and Zhenya felt that was an appropriate allusion to his current state of being. Sid stayed until almost twelve, melting into the bed and slowly listing to the side until he was leaning heavily against Zhenya's shoulder. When he started snoring, Zhenya nudged him awake.

“Sid, have to get up early tomorrow.” 

“Right,” Sid croaked and rubbed the sand from his eyes. “Did I drool on you?”

Zhenya shook his head, failing at suppressing a smile. 

“Good,” Sid said, and left to go sleep in his own bed.

+

Sid didn’t come with them to Nashville. It was an overnight trip after a five-day break and he had rehab. Zhenya kept waiting for the knock at the door even though he knew it wasn’t going to come. Being in Nashville always brought Zhenya back to the 2017 series, making it all the more satisfying to beat the Preds 5-2 in front of an arena full of yellow and navy blue. 

But it was more than that: their team was flourishing despite constant adversity and Zhenya was so fiercely proud. He knew Sid was at home watching and that he was proud too.

He had gotten a text from Sid after the game:

_You looked good out there, nice assist_

Zhenya hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. He looked around as they were waiting to board the plane. Everyone was on their phones, no doubt texting someone who would be waiting for them at home when they landed; someone wishing them a good flight. Zhenya’s thumb hovered over the keys.

_Next time you’ll be here. Can tell me I’m best in person_

_Can’t wait_

Sid’s message came back fast, like he had been waiting for Zhenya to respond. Zhenya’s phone felt hot, like it was burning a hole through his coat when he pocketed it and he was standing there aflame for everyone to see. 

He texted Sid a photo of the tarmac from the window of the plane: _On our way home ))_ he sent, feeling giddy and utterly transparent. 

_Have a safe flight :)_

Zhenya arrived to a cold, empty home. He stood in the entryway for a moment and basked in his most indulgent morosities. Zhenya hadn’t expected to still have an empty house in his thirties; this was his fortress of gloom. Then he shook it off. He pulled up his conversation with Sid, looking at that _“Have a safe flight :)”_ before steeling himself and hitting dial. He pressed the receiver tight to his ear. He felt bolder cloaked in darkness, like this moment was separated in space and time from the rest of his life. 

The phone rang for so long Zhenya almost lost his nerve and hung up. He could just tell Sid in the morning it was a pocket dial. 

“Hey.” Sid’s voice sounded crackly over the phone, like maybe he’d been asleep. “G?”

Zhenya swallowed around the lump in his throat. “We got home safe.” It sounded dumb, now that he was saying it out loud. Of course they got home safe. Sid didn’t need Zhenya to call him and tell him that. 

Sid’s laugh was low and intimate, a warm rumble in Zhenya’s ear. “That’s good to hear.”

Zhenya abandoned his bags in the front hall and walked up the staircase to his room, taking the steps slow, to draw things out. “How are you feeling? Good?”

“Good. Vyas said I could be back on ice with the team soon.” 

“That’s so good.” Zhenya could feel that same warmth from Sid’s voice froth into a hearty lather in his chest. Sid started describing a series of stretches Andy had shown him that was supposed to be good for hernia recovery and Zhenya struggled to find a reason why they didn’t do this every night. 

Zhenya half-listened as he started working on the buttons of his dress shirt. He pinched the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he undid his belt, before realizing he hadn’t taken his shoes off yet. Zhenya swore under his breath and then swore again when he bent over to untie them and the phone dropped from where it was wedged. He kicked off his pants and shoes and picked it back up. 

“Hello, Sid?”

“What happened there?” 

His voice sounded amused and Zhenya tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. “I was getting undressed, the phone slipped.”

“Oh,” He didn’t sound so amused now and Zhenya pressed a hand over his eyes. “I should let you get to bed.”

“It’s okay--” Zhenya began to protest but interrupted himself halfway through with a yawn. Maybe he was tired.

“You should get some sleep.”

“Okay, Captain.” Zhenya said, and Sid chuckled again before catching his yawn.

“Good night.”

He didn’t see much of Sid the next day, but that was probably for the better. Zhenya still felt a little bit embarrassed about the call. Sid appeared before the game to stand on the sidelines and chirp them while they played two-touch and when Horny kicked the soccer ball hard enough it grazed Zhenya’s head and he tried to tackle him for a distraction. He wasn’t very successful.

Back to back games were always a toss-up but Zhenya felt confident, and for good reason. They won 6-4 and he got three assists. Sid beamed from where he hovered right on the threshold of the locker room, like all he needed was the tiniest push to come right in and join them in celebration. 

Zhenya made a beeline for him, puffing out his chest. Compared to earlier he felt bold and untouchable. “You come out with us?”

“Maybe, what’s in it for me?” Sid crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head like he was just humouring Zhenya, but the twitch at the corner of his mouth gave him away. 

“You buy me a drink.” He crowded Sid further in, blocking him off from the rest of the locker room. He still had that stupid patchy beard on his face, and Zhenya kind of wanted to see what it felt like. “I take care of your team while you rest, you owe me.” He pressed his tongue to his teeth the way he always did when he teased Sid. 

“And how is that an incentive?” Sid’s mouth was screwed up into a half-smile. He couldn’t keep a straight face to save his life. 

“You get to buy me a drink.”

They went to a bar the team attended regularly, all low ceiling and exposed brick. The exact kind of place Sid would choose to get lost in. Zhenya was fond of it because of that. 

He watched Sid as he made his rounds, moving between groups of players. He had time for every one of them. Zhenya manned his spot at a high table and talked to whoever came by to stand with him. When he was left alone for too long, Zhenya pulled out his phone and texted Sid from across the bar: 

_Where’s my drink?_

He watched as Sid received the message and looked around till his eyes landed on Zhenya. Zhenya shook his empty at him and Sid gave him a double thumbs up.

Sid took his turn waiting to be served at the bar and Zhenya stood and watched as someone squeezed up beside him and tapped him on the shoulder. People always approached Sid as if they knew him, even when they didn’t. Like he owned them more of himself than he already gave. This time around, Zhenya could tell it was an Alpha by the way Sid’s body language shifted and his scent peaked.

It was an open secret in the NHL that Sidney Crosby liked to sleep with other Alphas. He didn’t talk about it publically and there was no _“The Real Sidney Crosby”_ Sports Illustrated issue with rainbows regurgitated all over the cover. He wasn’t shy about it either. Over the years, Zhenya had watched Sid flirt with and take home every flavour and variety of Alpha like they were going out of style.

Zhenya picked at the label of his beer bottle and popped a couple of bar peanuts into his mouth. It was kind of a game at this point, watching Sid try and land. He hardly ever failed; he seemed to have it down to an exact science. Admittedly, it had been equally as fun for Zhenya to watch Sid sulk around because he’d been instructed not to get his dick wet.

Sid and his dick were probably free agents by now and this guy was quintessential Sid bait. 

Zhenya crunched a peanut between his teeth and resigned himself to not getting that free drink. Maybe he could wheedle a free beer out of one of the younger guys still hanging around. Or go find someone who would buy him a drink willingly. Someone he could take home. It had been a long time since his days of trolling bars for Alphas as a rookie, but Zhenya wasn’t above his own needs. 

“Here.” Sid slid up by Zhenya’s elbow and set a bottle down in front of him, tapping the necks together and taking a swig of his own. 

Zhenya regarded him shrewdly. He could pick out the hint of frustration just under the scent of Sid’s cologne. Even though they talked the night before, Zhenya wouldn’t put it past Sid to not tell him if there had been some sort of complication or setback with his surgery. “What? Dick not pass medical check yet?”

“What?” Sid sputtered, wiping a dribble of beer from the corner of his mouth. “What are you talking about? My dick is fine.”

Zhenya raised his brows and looked pointedly over Sid’s shoulder where the guy who had talked to Sid was now chatting up someone else. 

Sid followed his gaze. “Oh.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Well, everything is in working order, so don’t worry about it.”

“Don't worry!” Zhenya crowed. “For months you send out all those photos. We’re all _very concerned_.” He let the word roll around in his mouth, loose-lipped and a little buzzed. “Needs to work so you’re not grouchy for the rest of the season.” 

Sid was smiling broadly into the mouth of his bottle so Zhenya kept rolling. “Text me at night: _Oh, G I’m so bored--My balls they’re so sore!_ ”

“I did not say that.” Sid snorted.

Zhenya pointed an accusing finger in his face. “Need to find someone to check, make sure everything is okay.”

Sid shook his head and chuckled low. Zhenya had wedged himself into Sid’s space and they were close enough that the noise sent a zip up Zhenya’s spine. 

“Oh, yeah?” Sid drawled. It was always slightly unnerving to be the object of Sid’s full attention. To have that burning black stare aimed in his way gave Zhenya a thrill he enjoyed far too much for his own good. 

Sid’s eyes were sharp and bright, like a hawk’s, and Zhenya kept his face pointedly neutral. He had talked himself into a corner he didn’t know how to get out of. Sid didn’t look teased anymore, he looked intrigued and wolfish.

“Have to piss,” Zhenya said and pushed away from the table, his drink left untouched. Leaving this conversation before he said anything else stupid was the only safe option. 

He should have known that he was pushing his luck.

Zhenya felt the weight of Sid’s eyes on the back of his neck and knew without looking that Sid was following him.

He took the stairs down to a second bathroom he knew was on the lower level. Sometimes you just wanted to take a leak without being asked for an autograph. The bathroom was empty. Zhenya didn’t know if he should be thankful for that yet or not. Zhenya stood there, in the middle of the room, his ears pricked for the soft sound of the door opening and closing behind him and the click of the lock that echoed in his ears. 

Zhenya turned to a urinal and unzipped his pants, Sid took the one beside him, and the purr of his zipper made all of Zhenya’s hair stand on end. He didn’t know if he could pee now even if he actually had to. He probably looked like an idiot just standing there with his pants unzipped.

“Thought you had to go?” Sid said wryly.

Zhenya let himself look over at Sid’s sly face and then down. If it bothered Sid, he didn’t make it known and Zhenya watched as he pulled the soft shape of his cock out of his briefs. 

Zhenya let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He ached in a way he could feel in his teeth and looked his fill like he’d never let himself before: the foreskin, wrinkled at the tip, the delightful colour of it. Sid looked thick in his hand and Zhenya couldn’t look away as Sid pissed and shook himself. Zhenya’s nostrils flared. He could smell him, Sid’s interest, the inherent Alpha-ness of his scent. 

Zhenya kind of expected Sid to tuck himself away and that would be that. The moment would be over and they’d never mention it again. Instead, Sid turned to him, making burning eye contact that made Zhenya feel scraped raw, and pulled the rest of himself out of his underwear to let his dick and balls hang over the band. Sid raised an eyebrow at him like it was a challenge.

Zhenya took a breath, letting the richness of Sid’s pheromones coat the back of his throat like syrup. The thing was, Sid’s dick was like an old friend Zhenya had become well acquainted with over the years. But he had never seen it hard. After all this time, Zhenya thought he deserved to see it hard. He reached down and took his dick out of his boxers and watched Sid’s eyes go dark. Zhenya could feel himself twitch and grow harder under Sid’s gaze. 

“Fuck yeah,” Sid murmured and stalked forward. The air caught in Zhenya’s chest and he let himself be backed up until he hit the wall with a soft _thud_. Sid crowded himself around him. Up close, Zhenya could see the freckle beside his eye and taste the spicy scent of his arousal, leaking off of Sid and making the back of Zhenya’s mouth wet. 

Zhenya pushed his lapels aside so he could see where Sid was hanging out of his dress pants. The light was too low for the view Zhenya wanted, but Zhenya could still take him in his hand, feel Sid get hard in his palm, enjoy the way his fingers fit nicely around him. 

“Up to your standards?” Sid’s voice was close, the way it had been over the phone, and Zhenya had to swallow to try and keep his mouth dry.

“I don’t know, have to try it out first. Not sure if I like.” It was such a bald-faced lie. He could feel himself getting closer to fully hard and Sid hadn’t even touched him yet. 

Sid huffed out a laugh, close enough for Zhenya to feel it brush against his neck. “Is that what this is? You’re giving me a test run?”

Zhenya wanted more than just a test run. He was done with screwing around. “You could fuck me.”

 _“God.”_ The word punched out of him. “You’re such a slut.” 

Sid sounded like he liked it and Zhenya’s cheeks burned. He pressed his mouth to Sid’s ear, letting his voice rasp right into it. “What does that make you, hmm? Sidney Crosby caught with his dick out in public. What would the kids think?”

Sid reared back to capture his mouth. Pressing Zhenya back against the wall and kissing him roughly, he reached down, wrapping his hand around Zhenya’s cock in turn. “C’mon, show me.”

They stroked off together. It was dry and his wrist was stuck at an uncomfortable angle but it was the most Zhenya had felt during sex in a long time. Sid sank his other hand down the back of Zhenya’s pants and cupped a handful of his ass cheek, squeezing and kneading at the muscle. Zhenya felt one of Sid's fingers creep deeper, slipping between his cheeks, and Zhenya pressed into it. The tip found his hole and rubbed over it, prodding gently. Zhenya bucked his hips between Sid’s hands; he was going to come like a firecracker. Sid’s finger slid in deeper, and _dry_.

“Fuck, you’re loose,” Sid grunted in his ear and Zhenya came helplessly between them.

Sid’s hips jerked a few times as he got off. Zhenya kept his grip around him tight as he felt his palm grow slippery. 

Sid sighed. The tip of his nose was tucked perfectly into the crook of Zhenya’s neck and Zhenya felt him take another deep, wavering breath before he pulled away. Sid walked over and yanked two fistfuls of toilet paper out of one of the stalls when Zhenya was still catching his breath against the wall. 

“Here, you go out first.” Sid handed him one of the balls of wadded up paper to wipe himself down

Zhenya nodded, and took care of himself quickly. 

When he walked out of the bathroom, the hallway was empty. There was no one there to witness his poor decision making. 

Zhenya walked through the crowd and right out of the bar.

+

The high didn’t last. Zhenya would be kidding himself if he really thought one time would come close to satisfying this new torrent of unacknowledged attraction. He’d been tentatively curious about Sid for over a decade. It wasn’t an all-consuming puppy love, or at least it had never been before. Sid was attractive. They were friends. Sometimes, over the years, Zhenya had thought about what it might be like to have Sid send one of those burning glances in his direction. Zhenya knew what it was like now and it jogged an old memory, back when he was a rookie and hadn’t been as committed as Sid had to not sleeping with his teammates. The memory was like shrapnel lodged in his soft tissue: whenever it got jostled Zhenya was reminded of its existence. 

He wasn’t surprised that after the first time he wanted to do it again and again. 

They hadn’t had time to talk about it. Or more, Zhenya didn’t know if he really wanted to. His interest was so thick Sid could probably smell it on him. Hot shame coiled in his stomach. Sid had been bored and lonely and Zhenya had touched his dick and leaked his feelings all over him and now they were here. 

Zhenya had probably spooked him. Sid had been suspiciously absent recently. There was always a good excuse for why he wasn’t present: visiting hospitals, taking a trip to Philly to meet with his surgeon, entertaining sick kids in his box: Sid things. 

It just made Zhenya even more aware that this was something he needed to get under control. 

Sid liked to keep things professional. Zhenya wasn’t necessarily exempt from that policy and shouldn’t have expected himself to be. If this was Sid’s way of letting him down easy, he could take it. Grown-ups made bad decisions all the time. You never really got all that much wiser with age, at least in Zhenya’s experience--not when it came to sleeping with people you weren’t supposed to.

Sid showed his face just in time for the next road trip. Part of Zhenya had been hoping that Sid might miss this one. That had been wishful thinking. 

Sid arrived on the tarmac with a fresh haircut, in a new suit, and a Crate and Barrel bag clutched in his hand. The deadliest of combinations. Zhenya wondered if it was a gift for Flower’s new baby or a housewarming present for Nate. Knowing Sid, there was probably both in there. 

There was a good round of friendly chirping the way there always was when Sid cleaned up. Someone shouted, “Nice threads, Croz!” from a few rows back that made Sid turn visibly pink. Zhenya wasn’t quick enough to duck his head and Sid caught Zhenya’s eye as he sat down and gave him a nod. Zhenya didn’t know what the fuck that was supposed to mean.

He was overly aware of Sid during the day, mostly out of self-preservation and to avoid getting stuck alone in a room with him. Zhenya didn’t know what he’d do if he was. Maybe go crazy and try and touch Sid’s dick again. Anything was possible. 

His efforts ended up being futile in the end when he got cornered going to ask Dana for a new roll of sock tape. Flower and Sid had been speaking together in the hall, crowded together in their own bubble of two. Zhenya thought he’d be able to slip right past them but Flower stuck his arm out to block his path. 

“Not so fast, Mon’Ami--” He tugged at the pocket of Zhenya’s tracksuit. “Sid’s coming over for dinner after the game, you should join us.”

Zhenya was unsurprised; Sid always jumped at an opportunity to be Uncle Sid. 

“I--” He looked between Sid and Flower, searching for any guidance, but Sid’s face was pleasantly blank, giving him nothing.

“You’re not allowed to say no, you have to come to my house and tell me how cute my child is like everyone else.”

“Of course I’ll come.”

“Cool, we’ll see you later--try not to be too sour when we wipe the floor with you!” Flower said with a parting smile. 

Zhenya turned to Sid and hissed, “I don’t have a present.” If Sid was going to give him an out, this would be the time. 

"I do, we can say it's from both of us," Sid said with a small smile and a clap to Zhenya’s arm. “I’ll see you later.”

In the end, Zhenya was glad he went. It was good to see Vero and the kids again. It felt like it had been so long. Zhenya made their car stop at a liquor store on the way so he could buy a bottle of wine; he never liked to arrive somewhere empty-handed. Sid gave him a knowing look when he pulled the bottle out of the bag and looked at the label. 

“What? We can say this is also from both of us.” It was an expensive bottle. Zhenya liked to treat his friends.

Sid just shook his head with a smile and looked out the window.

Dinner was nice and the conversation wasn’t awkward at all. Zhenya felt bad for thinking that Sid might be any other way with him there. 

Flower made a lot of fuss over the bottle of wine and the presents. Zhenya shouldn't have been surprised that Sid had something for each of the girls too in his bag of tricks. Vero thanked them sincerely and Zhenya flushed; he felt kind of like an imposter. He hadn’t chosen any of it but he should have. He should have called Flower sooner and he should have made an effort to see his kids. 

Zhenya felt something brush his sleeve. There was Sid’s hand squeezing his forearm. “Vero was just telling me about Scarlett’s ballet lessons. Apparently she’s been looking up Russian ballerinas on YouTube.”

“Smart girl, Russian ballet is best. Will have to take her with me so she can see for herself.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” Flower said, “or else you’ll arrive in Russia with a stowaway inside your suitcase.“ 

“It’s probably for the best.” Zhenya laughed and shook his head ruefully. “I’ll be staying in Miami for a while. Probably not so smart for me to spend a lot of time in Russia, so--”

There was a beat of silence and Zhenya felt Sid shift in his seat beside him. Zhenya chanced a glance at him, which was probably a mistake. Sid’s eyes were big and sorrowful. Zhenya might have it a little easier when it came to the NHL, but at least Sid still felt safe going home. 

Zhenya shot him a small smile and looked away. “I heard something about cake, yes?”

They sat in the living room afterwards and Zhenya held James in his lap, standing him up on his knees so he could look him in the face, chubby and rosy-cheeked. “Soon you’ll be big enough to eat your father, he’s so skinny.”

“Are you trying to corrupt the kids already?” 

Sid was leaning against the doorway, the same way he had leaned on the threshold of the locker room, on the brink, looking in. He had volunteered to help with the dishes despite many protests and his shirt sleeves were still up around his elbows. Sid crossed his arms over his chest.

Zhenya looked back at James’s smiling face. This was safer. “I don’t know what you mean, I only say nice things.” 

“Sure, bud.” Sid laughed, and took the spot beside him.

The dark interior of the car on the ride back to the hotel felt like a different reality, the same liminal space he had called Sid in that night at his home and the same one where Sid had cornered him in a bathroom at a bar and made him come; where it was just the two of them and his actions didn’t have real-world consequences. It felt like such a long time had passed between then and now.

“Hey,” Sid called softly. 

Zhenya looked over. Sid was backlit by the street lights passing behind the window. The white light caught on the tips of his hair like a halo. 

Sid began to say something, stopped, then restarted. “Thanks for coming, it meant a lot to him.”

Zhenya pressed his lips together, tight. “Of course, I miss him too.” Sid wasn’t the only one affected when veteran guys left. 

Zhenya felt for Sid, who had to sit there during the expansion draft with a camera in his face. He had watched it from his living room back in Moscow; he had still been with Anya at the time. Zhenya remembered being so angry that Sid had to sit through that. It was probably just another good reason why he wasn’t there. Anya had kissed him on the top of the head and told him: _“It’s okay, Tiger.”_ It hadn’t felt okay. 

It was just another reminder how far away that all seemed now.

“Yeah.” Sid’s smile was small, bittersweet and wistful.

Zhenya turned back to the window and watched the cars speed by. 

As hard as he tried, Zhenya was unable to get to sleep, his mind reeling. He laid in the dark and scrolled back through the group chat, looking at the photos Sid had posted from Flower’s house. There was one of Zhenya on the sofa with James in his lap that he didn’t remember Sid taking. 

Zhenya closed the phone again and let it rest on his chest. That hadn’t helped one bit.

There was a knock at the door, a light rap of knuckles. Zhenya looked over. The clock beside the bed read 12:00 AM. It could only be Sid. Zhenya held his breath and waited for another knock to come. If it did, he’d get up and answer it. He told himself he would, planning the whole interaction out in his head; what he’d say, whether or not he’d let Sid in. The second knock never came. 

+

There was always something satisfying about crushing Colorado, specifically. Maybe it was just him feeding off the glee Sid felt schooling his friend on national television or maybe it was just staring down Nathan MacKinnon’s crooked nose on the face-off circle and beating him to the punch. Zhenya sneered and shot it off to Rust. He knew Sid was up in the stands somewhere, watching. 

He barely caught a glimpse of Sid before he disappeared off to Nate’s. Zhenya didn’t get an invite to this dinner and he hadn’t been expecting one. That didn’t seem to stop him from thinking about it. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Zhenya had to stop himself from checking his phone when he went out; it wasn’t any of his business who Sid spent his time with or for what reason. He distracted himself by smoking Tanger at a game of darts and taking his money. Zhenya felt a lot better after that. 

He fumbled with the light on his way into the hotel room and swore when he stubbed his toe on the edge of the bed. He sucked in a deep breath and told himself he wasn’t going to vandalize any hotel furniture. He’d do himself a favour and rub his sore toe in bed and hope he didn’t have a purple toenail in the morning. 

Just as he reached to flick the bedside lamp off, his phone lit up with a text. The notification said it was a photo message from a private number. He bit his lip and cradled his phone in both hands.

Zhenya sucked in a sharp breath when he opened it. There was something especially illicit about receiving a dick pic from a private number, one with no message attached. That was definitely Sid’s dick. He remembered it well. Zhenya took in the neatly trimmed pubic hair, that one little bit of vanity Sid allowed himself. He was holding his dick around the base, pulling his foreskin back. A droplet of liquid welled at the tip and Zhenya could feel his mouth water just imagining getting to suck on it. 

Another message popped up:

_I’m back in my room_

As if Zhenya might think he was sending dick pics from Nate’s condo. Well-- _maybe_.

He scrolled back up to look at the photo. He was so sure Zhenya would come. Sid was feeling restless and he needed to blow off some steam and Zhenya had proven himself to be easy.

Feeling equally stubborn and horny, his hands shook as he typed out: _Already in bed, too tired. Can’t get up._

He pressed send and held his breath. Three messages came in in rapid succession:

_Can’t get up or can’t get *it* up_

_Haha_

_Send me a photo_

Zhenya reached down and squeezed himself. This was happening. He pulled the waistband of his boxers down and tucked them under his balls so Sid could see everything, holding the camera at an angle he thought was flattering. 

He chose the best-looking one and typed out: _You’re dumb_. Then attached the photo and sent it. 

He didn’t have to wait long for a reply. 

_Fuck_

_You're so hot_

Zhenya stroked himself lazily, creeping towards the point where he’d need to make himself come instead of racing there. That was all he got for a while. Sid was kind of bad at this.

Another photo popped up: Sid holding himself in his hand again but there was a pool of jizz running towards his belly button.

Zhenya cursed under his breath and squeezed his eyes shut tight. If he really focused he could remember what Sid’s scent tasted like on his tongue, the way it had spiked when he wrapped his hand around Zhenya’s dick. He jerked off frantically until he was curling in on himself and coming into his own hand, his phone and Sid’s picture carefully cradled in his other palm.

Zhenya sent him back a picture of his cock lying spent on his stomach and the mess he made in his hand.

 _Nice_

Zhenya waited a few minutes but that was all that came. 

_)))_ he texted back and went to go wash his hand in the sink. He stubbed his toe a second time when he got back into bed. 

+

They beat Arizona by a hair and Zhenya got two assists. His phone with the photos on it was like lead in his pocket. He was walking around with pics of Sidney Crosby's dick on his phone. He was so horny he felt jittery with it and he just barely resisted following Sid into the bathroom on the plane ride from Colorado. Zhenya hadn’t made the mile high club yet, but he’d probably let Sid fuck him in the bathroom with only one thin wall separating them from their teammates. 

Phill took some of the guys out after the game. It was always bittersweet. The trade still felt fresh to Zhenya. He definitely didn’t feel a little bit misty-eyed when he brought Phill in for a hug. Phill gave him a strong pat on the back and Zhenya thumped him in return. Zhenya ended up paying for the drinks, which he was happy to do even though he complained loudly when Phill kept ordering everyone rounds on his dime. 

Maybe it was the alcohol, but he followed Sid back to his room and right through the door. He was fed up with not talking. Of wanting Sid but not being able to touch him. Of not answering the door in Vegas. There were a lot of things.

“We have to get on a plane soon,” Sid said, but he still let Zhenya bully him around the room and into the bed, not bothering to flick on the lights. He didn’t really want Sid to see him; he was sure whatever he was feeling would be plain to see, projected clear across his face.

Sid laid down beside him with a sigh, and Zhenya draped his arm over Sid’s waist, drawing him near. 

Sid’s voice was so close. "G?"

"I've missed you," Zhenya murmured and kissed his chin, and then the corner of his mouth, finally bringing their lips together in the lightest brush. It was unfair to unload his feelings on Sid when he couldn’t understand, but Zhenya wasn’t brave enough to say them out loud.

Sid sucked in a breath and pressed his hands up under Zhenya's shirt. The tips of his fingers were cool from not wearing gloves. "Can I?" Sid asked, popping the button on Zhenya’s jeans, and Zhenya didn’t stop him when he pulled down the zipper and slid his hand into Zhenya’s boxers. 

“Jeez,” Sid breathed out against his cheek. Zhenya squirmed. He could smell Sid’s spicy, pleased arousal. “You feel so good,” Sid rasped, stroking Zhenya slowly, the same way he had touched himself the other night, like he was really savouring it. “That picture you sent me, God, G--you came so hard.”

Sid pressed him up against his abdomen and let Zhenya grind against his palm, working himself up. It was getting slick and he was breathing harshly already, tumbling towards the precipice. 

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” Sid whispered, and part of Zhenya wanted to press his hand over Sid’s dumb mouth and make him stop saying things that made Zhenya feel ways he wasn’t supposed to. 

Sid rubbed at him in time with his thrusts. The friction was unbelievable, and then he brushed his soft mouth against Zhenya’s ear and said, low and sincere: "You want my knot?"

Zhenya bit out a quiet _"Fuck"_ and spilt quick and clumsily into Sid's hand. His orgasm felt like it hit him out of nowhere. He panted, squirming, as Sid extracted his hand from his pants. He tugged at Sid’s waistband. "Do you want?"

Sid sucked at his lip. Even in the dark, Zhenya could tell there was an interested bulge in his pants. 

Distantly, he heard the faint noise of people moving around and the murmur of voices as they moved down the hall. 

Sid pulled away. "We should probably pack up."

Zhenya sighed and nodded, zipping himself back into his sticky underwear. 

He shut Sid’s door between them. He couldn’t think too hard about whether or not Sid had his hand wrapped around himself on the other side. It would take all of Zhenya’s self-control not to walk right back into the room.

He turned away to walk down the hall and froze. Seryozha was standing by the elevators with his roller bag in hand, watching Zhenya closely. He must have looked like a mess or maybe he just looked guilty enough because Seryozha narrowed his eyes at him.

"You sure that's a good idea?"

Zhenya pressed his lips into a thin line. "I don't know what you're talking about."

“Okay, Zhenya,” Seryozha said with a shake of his head. He knew Seryozha wouldn’t push the topic. He had declared himself officially out of Zhenya’s personal business when Zhenya moved out of his home.

Zhenya slipped quickly into his room and leaned back against the door, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw stars. The problem was he knew Seryozha was right: this wasn’t a good idea, but Zhenya didn’t want to admit it. He felt like a child again, petulant and stubborn. 

Sleeping with your captain wasn’t exactly the leadership attitude Zhenya had been hoping to bring to this season. Selfishly, he didn’t want to give this up so soon now that he had gotten it.

Maybe Sid would save them all a lot of trouble and get bored.

Maybe Zhenya needed to not think about it so hard. Or at all. When they were younger he would have been more afraid of the potential fallout. But now--now Zhenya was confident there wasn’t anything he and Sid couldn’t work through. Sid had said it himself: it was Sid _and_ Geno. 

If this was happening, he didn’t know how long this was going to last, but he was going to enjoy it while it did. 

+

They blew Minnesota out of the water during Sid’s first game back in months. They had been playing well in his absence but the ship was never the same without its captain. Sid was practically glowing and Zhenya felt like he was glowing with him. He had scored the first goal of the game off an assist from Sid that earned him a fist bump to the center of his chest. It finally felt like they were back. Sid beamed and Zhenya could see it reflected in everyone’s faces as he made the rounds. The team had gotten a back room at a pub and even some of the training staff had joined them in celebration. Zhenya leaned back against the booth and watched Sid chat up the new guy, Zucker, who seemed enthusiastically receptive to Sid’s chin-wagging. It was refreshing to see Sid back in his element, gesticulating and grinning so hard his forehead scrunched up and his eyebrows turned into triangles.

“It’s nice to see you and Sid talking again.”

That brought Zhenya swooping back into focus. Horny was sitting across the table from him, watching Zhenya with an amused look on his face. 

“We talk,” Zhenya said, defensively. 

Horny just shook his head. “No, it was definitely weird there for a bit.” He tapped at his temple.

“I don’t know how many of the other guys noticed but I’ve been here for a while, I’m _sharp_.”

“Right,” Zhenya said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. 

He watched Horny visibly decide to give him a break, leaning back in his seat and emptying his glass. “Whatever it was I’m glad you worked it out.”

“I’m--” Zhenya started but Horny cut him off.

“Incoming," he said. “I’m going to go grab another drink, want anything?”

Zhenya clamped his mouth shut and shook his head. 

With a wink, Horny stood up just in time to catch Sid by the shoulder. “Here, you can take my seat.”

Sid thanked him but slid into the booth beside Zhenya anyways. He had stripped out of his sweater at some point so he was just in a dark, close-fitting t-shirt. With him pressed up against Zhenya’s side like this, he could feel the heat of Sid’s skin through the thin fabric. He was flushed across the nose and bright-eyed, smile a little more lopsided than normal. 

“Sup?” Sid said. 

“Having a good time?” Zhenya drawled, fond and amused. 

Sid’s nose crinkled, face twisting up. “I’m not drunk.”

“Of course not,” Zhenya said and laughed into his beer bottle when Sid shoulder checked him deeper into the booth. Sid didn’t pull away, even now that he had more room for his big ass. 

“Surprised you’re still here,” Zhenya said, aiming for nonchalance and probably missing by a mile. He reached over to steal some fries out of a basket someone had abandoned at the table. Zhenya grimaced: they were cold.

When Zhenya looked back, Sid’s brows were drawn in confusion. “We’re here to celebrate?”

Zhenya corrected himself. “Surprised you not find someone to celebrate with _alone--_ ” He pressed his tongue to his teeth and knocked Sid’s shoulder back lightly. 

Zhenya held his breath. Sid swayed with the motion and back into Zhenya’s space like a buoy on waves. He wouldn’t blame Sid if he didn’t want to hook up now that they were back in Pittsburgh. It would sting a little, but maybe it could be something they just did on the road sometimes. 

Sid fiddled with a stray straw wrapper on the table, shrugging loosely. The back of his neck had gone deep red and Zhenya could smell his interest, simmering low.

Zhenya shifted back a little, to a friendly distance, and gestured around the room with a sweeping motion. “You don’t want to look around?”

Sid stopped his fidgeting and made hot, direct eye contact. “I’m good.”

Pleased at his continued attention, Zhenya sucked in a deep breath, letting his lungs flood with Sid’s aroma. He slid his arm along the back of the booth, curling it over Sid’s shoulder. There was nothing friendly about the way Sid was watching him, the sticky feeling of Sid’s hot breath on his neck, or the hand he curled around the inside of Zhenya’s knee and squeezed. 

Zhenya felt like he was getting away with something, leading Sid out of the bar. A thrill erupted like effervescence in his chest. Seryozha sent him a look on the way out that Zhenya ignored in favour of placing his hand between Sid’s shoulder blades and finding them a car.

His house was dark and silent when they arrived. Zhenya flicked on every light switch they passed on the way in and planted Sid on the couch in his living room. This time he was determined to see _everything._

He looked down at Sid where he had flopped against the cushions, limbs sprawled. “I’ll get you some water,” Zhenya said and Sid made a pathetic noise, hooking his finger in Zhenya’s belt loop to keep him put. 

“I want to see your dick, it’s been too long.”

“It’s been two days, not even,” Zhenya chided, silently pleased. 

_“Too long,”_ Sid insisted, and gave Zhenya’s pants another tug to make a point. His shirt had ridden up around his waist, revealing a sliver of Sid’s pale stomach, and Zhenya had to take a slow breath to settle himself. For so many years he hadn’t allowed himself to look at Sid too closely and now that he was, all those repressed emotions were bubbling up, erupting out of him like a broken fountain, spilling all over the place messily and leaving Zheny feeling undone. He could wreck Sid, if he really wanted to. 

“You have to show me. I won.” Sid was grinning up at him with all his teeth, crooked and smug in a way Sid hardly ever allowed himself to be. 

Zhenya couldn’t stop the rumble that grew in his chest, leaking into his voice, watching Sid’s eyes go black when he said, “Shouldn’t the winner get a blowjob?”

The apertures of Sid’s pupils were blown wide open, like he was trying to suck Zhenya in with the light. Sid’s knees parted for him so easily when Zhenya sank down between them. He ran his palms over the insides of Sid’s thighs, wrapped obscenely in the soft fabric of his jeans. Zhenya nuzzled at that visible sliver of skin below Sid’s belly button, smooth and with the lightest dusting of hair. Sid smelled like generic arena soap and only the slightest hint of sweat. Zhenya wanted to work at him until he smelled musky and rich again, like fertile soil for Zhenya to bury his face in between Sid’s legs. 

“G,” Sid said on a sigh, carding his fingers through the downy hair at the top of Zhenya’s head. Zhenya scraped his cheek against the bulge in Sid’s pants, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. Cataloguing the way Sid breathed through his open mouth and tugged impatiently at Zhenya’s hair. 

He peeled back Sid’s zipper, fighting the tremor in his hands like maybe Sid had been right, two days had just been too long, and Zhenya was now experiencing dick withdrawal. Zhenya had never been so quickly drawn under by a person, but it made sense that it would be Sid. It should make him careful, but here, nestled between Sid’s thighs, Zhenya didn’t feel like being careful. He felt like being bold.

There was a wet patch where the crown of Sid’s cock pressed against his briefs. Zhenya fit his mouth over it tenderly and felt the fabric suck the moisture from his tongue. Sid had gotten worked up so fast, plumping up under Zhenya’s mouth as he sucked at him, getting the fabric nice and wet. He hadn’t gotten to really enjoy this yet the way he wanted to and Zhenya was going to indulge himself, letting his mouth get sloppy until Sid’s underwear clung to the outline of his dick like a second skin. It wasn't difficult, because the scent of Sid between his legs had Zhenya's mouth watering out of control.

Zhenya could spend forever down here just nursing at him, but Sid was getting noisy, letting out hitched, wet breaths above him, his cock nudging out insistently against the dark fabric. He pulled the slit of Sid’s briefs aside just enough to see the deep pink of the head and touch his tongue ever so gently to the crown. Sid sucked in a breath and gasped like Zhenya had shocked him. 

It was a two-man job getting Sid’s pants and underwear down around his ankles. Sid braced himself while Zhenya helped yank until Sid could kick one foot free and spread it just the way he liked. The muscles of his thighs spilled out over the couch cushions in thick slabs, too fat for Zhenya to get a good look at anything besides his dick and balls.

Zhenya could fix that. He sank his fingers into the meat on either side of Sid’s hips and dragged him forwards till his ass was hanging partially off the edge, finally getting his mouth on Sid’s thick cock and the tight little head that peeked out from behind his foreskin.

Collecting spit as he bobbed, Zhenya kept the wet suction of his mouth tight around the top and curled his finger at the base, twisting them around the spot he knew Sid’s knot would be if he popped it, giving the skin there special attention.

He rubbed the thumb of his other hand around, through the trail of spit pooling at the crease of Sid’s groin, and dragged it down, smoothing it in careful circles over his perineum. Zhenya nestled his thumb there, in the crease of Sid’s thighs, slick from sweat and drool and pressed in until he found the hot divot of Sid’s asshole.

Sid full-body flinched, his thighs tightening down around Zhenya’s ears. He kept stroking Sid there, over the tight little furl of his hole. He felt Sid twitch under his thumb and in his mouth, his breathing laboured. Sid gasped out, “That’s, Geno--”

Zhenya tightened his hand down on Sid’s hip, keeping him there, and pulled off his cock in a long, slow suck. Sid whined pitifully at him. 

“What?” Zhenya asked. “All those Alphas and no one ever try and touch your asshole?”

That earned him a pinched expression from Sid. He looked like a disgruntled cat. 

“Don’t be a pussy,” Zhenya said and took him back into his mouth. 

Sid gripped his head, thumbs pressing harshly into his temples. Zhenya could feel the muscles of his jaw work against them as he went down on Sid’s cock, rubbing at his hole until Sid’s thighs trembled and he clutched Zhenya’s hair and groaned his name. Sid throbbed against his tongue, his body loosening up just enough for Zhenya to press the tip of his thumb slightly _in_ and punch a wounded noise out of Sid’s chest. 

“Aw, fuck--” Sid swore, hips jerking. Zhenya felt the clench of Sid’s balls against his chin as Sid spilt inside Zhenya’s mouth. He managed to swallow some and let the rest cream out all over his lips. 

He took a shuddering breath and buried his face in Sid’s crotch, as close as he could get to that rich, musky smell, and fumbled with his fly, pulling himself out of his briefs and stroking his swollen cock. 

“I want to see you,” Sid said, petting at his head compellingly. “G, c’mon, show me--” he pleaded.

Zhenya growled and leaned back on his heels, just enough for Sid to be able to watch as he brought himself off, his hand coated in Sid’s release, catching his own in the same palm as he bucked a few times into his hand and shook through it. The combination of their scents made his head spin. 

Zhenya reached for the box of Kleenex he kept by the couch just for this reason, cleaning up his hand with a wad of tissues and spitting into it. For a split second he thought about letting it dry and keeping it. 

Sid watched Zhenya half-lidded, splayed out with one arm tucked behind his head. He looked slouched and rumpled, the rise and fall of his chest pronounced as he tried to catch his breath. There was a droplet of come stuck to the edge of his belly button and Zhenya leaned forward and sucked it out, lingering when Sid’s stomach muscles tensed and fluttered under his mouth. Maybe Sid would let him leave a hickey right here sometime. 

Eventually, Sid pushed his head away. “Stop, that tickles.”

Zhenya pulled back, admiring the pool of jizz and Sid’s spent cock. He rubbed his thumb over the raised pink line from Sid’s surgery, down to his balls and back up. “You’ve been saving up?”

Sid chuckled and touched the backs of his fingers to Zhenya’s cheek. “You tell me, you’ve had me pretty distracted recently.”

Zhenya felt himself grow hot with pleasure. Even Sid could only fuck so much, especially coming off injury, but it was nice to have it confirmed. Zhenya buried his face back in the groove of Sid's hip, greedily letting the possessive curl in his gut bloom and take hold. 

+

Zhenya was effectively on cloud nine. He had put Sid to bed in one of his guest rooms last night and Sid’s shoes were still there in the morning when Zhenya went down to make coffee. Sid came into the kitchen around ten looking slightly disoriented. 

“Is it cool if I eat here, or...” Sid trailed off and Zhenya pointed at him with his spatula.

“Sit, I'm making eggs.”

Sid slid onto an island stool and groaned. “I slept like a log.”

Zhenya placed a mug down in front of him and pushed the milk and sugar across the counter. Sid applied it readily. He snapped the band of Zhenya’s sleep pants as he walked by. “I like the service at this hotel,” Sid said, smiling like it might just be the funniest thing he’d ever said. 

Zhenya shook his head. “Only because you look sad, like lost dog--” he sniffed and Sid sent him a private, fond expression that Zhenya had seen many times but never across the counter from him in the morning. The sunlight made his face look soft, maybe still a little puffy from sleep as he watched Zhenya over the edge of his mug. Zhenya imagined Sid would look very much the same waking up in bed beside him. 

The cowlick on the side of his head was out of control and he needed to shave; maybe the stray dog reference wasn’t too far off. Zhenya indulged in scrubbing his fingers through the thick hair on the top of Sid’s head before seeing to his own coffee. 

They stopped at Sid’s house on the way to the arena for practice. Zhenya wasn’t expecting it when Sid told him to wait outside and that he would be back out. 

“We might as well carpool,” Sid said, half out of the car, “lower our carbon footprint, you know?”

Zhenya didn’t know, but he nodded anyway and if anyone at the arena noticed that they showed up together, they didn’t say. 

+

They had a two-day road trip to Boston and Detroit. They lost 4-1 against the Bruins and Sid fingered Zhenya with hotel room hand lotion until his knot began to swell and he came up his chest. Sid licked him clean while Zhenya made a lot of appreciative groaning noises. He wanted to taste himself on Sid’s mouth, but disappointingly, all Sid would give him were a few chaste pecks. 

He sat with Sid before the Detroit game, in the visitor’s lounge. Most of the guys were eating before the game, and Zhenya was picking at some random fruit on a plate when Sid nudged his elbow. 

“Hey, do you want some?” Sid asked and offered Zhenya a torn-off quarter of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Zhenya blinked in surprise. He looked over at Tanger whose brows were up in his hairline. He ducked his head when he caught Zhenya’s eye and did a bad job of pretending to be wrapped up in what was going on on his phone. Zhenya looked back at Sid who had gone red but was looking mulishly determined, holding the sandwich out for Zhenya to take. 

“Thanks,” Zhenya said, bewildered but pleased. It was sweet, but good, and Sid looked satisfied when Zhenya ate it. Sid finished off the rest of his sandwich and slid the last bite over to Zhenya, who ate it happily. 

Maybe it was just the sugar but Zhenya’s whole body thrummed. They played a few rounds of two-touch before the game and if Zhenya thought that might work off some of his energy, he was wrong. Sid sent a few tricky shots his way, a grin planted firmly on his face. Zhenya lost control on the last pass and scuffled with him. Where he’d been unsuccessful with Horny, Sid let himself be dragged around a bit in a headlock before he started protesting. 

Zhenya had two assists that night and six shots on goal. He felt the same way he did back when he had first arrived in the NHL and after he had gotten over feeling like he didn’t belong. When he had become confident in his place here on the team and his horizons began to expand from the tunnel vision of feeling like he still hasn't earned his place. 

He wondered if Sid felt a similar way. He remembered what it had been like, the few years before Zhenya realized how much he and Sid had in common. When Sid kept a large part of himself on lockdown and Zhenya had wondered if hockey really was the only thing that occupied his mind. 

It was easier for Zhenya, in theory. Zhenya liked Omegas, Zhenya liked everyone. But right now he liked Sid, and it was becoming clearer that wouldn’t be going away any time soon.

They took the bus back to Pittsburgh that night. Zhenya felt too tired to play cards but just wired enough not to be able to sit still. He made his way up to the front where Sid sat and nudged him until he angled his legs aside so Zhenya could squeeze past him into the window seat. Sid pulled out one of his earbuds and offered it to him and Zhenya felt his insides settle.

They went their separate ways from the arena and Zhenya stayed home from optional practice. It felt weird to sit at home alone after living in each other's pockets during road trips. Zhenya didn’t know if he liked it. His house felt too big, and his bed felt too big, and so did his heart. 

Zhenya had come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to be easy for him. He’d known that for a while now. He could go back to Russia, just as long as it was with a Beta or an Omega on his arm, or if he found one to be seen in public with not long after he arrived. That was the crux. 

It wasn’t the worst sentence. At least Zhenya wouldn’t be arrested, probably. Zhenya was just tired. When he was younger it had been a fight between the impulse to rebel against people who tried to tell him how to live and wanting to fit in, be loved. 

Every year that just didn’t seem to matter as much anymore. He loved Pittsburgh and he had a good group of friends in Miami. He liked his life here. He could have everything he wanted. 

Besides, having to go AWOL twice would be dramatic, even for him.

+

There were two lip chaps sitting in his locker when he arrived at the arena for the Bruins game at home, a generic brand with no flavour. He wiggled them at Sid in question. 

“I thought you could use those, I bought a value pack,” Sid explained. He had been bent over, fiddling with something in his bag, but he looked up and met Zhenya’s eye when he said with a quirk of his lips, “And your lips feel kind of like sandpaper.”

Zhenya scoffed as if he was affronted. But it was okay because it meant Sid was planning to kiss him a lot-- _at some point_.

Sid sat with him before the game again and fed Zhenya bites of his sandwich. Zhenya liked the crust bits and Sid picked those off for him and placed them on his plate. 

"Here." He offered Zhenya the last bite, just like last time, and maybe this was just a superstitious thing now since they had won the last game. 

The piece of sandwich hovered right in front of his face, and Zhenya didn’t really think about it before he leaned in and ate it right out of Sid's hand. 

Sid stared at him, wide-eyed, and Zhenya licked the corner of his mouth. He didn’t dare look around the room to see if anyone had caught that. He scrambled for something to cut the tension. He’d been thinking about asking Sid this anyway.

“Come over for dinner tonight, I’ll cook,” he said in a rush, feeling daring. He used to have Sid over all the time. Zhenya didn’t know when Sid stopped saying yes, or maybe he had stopped asking. But Zhenya missed it.

Sid’s eyebrows rose in interest. “I’m listening?”

What most people didn’t realize was that you could get Sid to go anywhere if you just promised him steak. He showed up at Zhenya’s house, on time, in one of his nice button-up shirts with a bottle of wine tucked under his arm. 

“Hope that’s up to your standards,” Sid teased, and Zhenya scoffed. Sid knew very well he would like whatever Sid gave him. 

It felt right having Sid back under his roof. Zhenya cooked the steak on a grill skillet on the stovetop which Sid commented on but Zhenya ignored him. He flat out refused to clear the snow off the barbeque just to stand outside and freeze his ass off. 

“That would be a shame,” Sid said with a wink, and Zhenya felt the tips of his ears go red.

He poured Sid a glass of wine which was enough to get him complimenting the house decor. This time the victims were the kitchen cabinet knobs.

“I like them, they’re-- What’s the right word? Rustic?” Sid frowned and muttered to himself, “I don’t think that’s right.”

If it were up to Sid, everyone’s house would be the same crossover between the mahogany beams and exposed brick of a gastropub and decorated like a Maritime tourist shop threw up all over it. Zhenya shook his head. He thought he had much better taste. “Thanks Sid.”

They ate at the dinner table, which they hardly ever did, squished together at one end. Zhenya liked it like this; this way he could rub his socked foot over Sid’s calf just to watch him miss his mouth with his fork. 

“Are you going anywhere for bye week?” Sid asked. He was spinning the neck of his wine glass between his fingers over and over again and it was kind of mesmerizing.

Zhenya gave a half shrug. “Think about it.” Truthfully, he had been dragging his feet about making any concrete decisions. Sid seemed to do something different each year and Zhenya was kind of hoping he could weasel his way into whatever Sid’s plans were. He got an uncomfortable tight, panicky feeling in his chest when he thought about Sid going off for a week by himself. Zhenya smothered it. “What are you doing?”

Sid looked down at his glass. He seemed to be caught up in its contents as he spun it a few more times and stopped. “I’ve been looking at a few places, but I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

Zhenya waited a few seconds for Sid to continue, for _something_. Normally you couldn’t get Sid to stop talking about what his plans for the break were. But Sid didn’t say anything else besides, “Pass me the salad.”

They stood elbow to elbow in front of the sink. Sid washed the dishes while Zhenya dried. It felt closer to the way they had been last year and Zhenya let the relief finally settle in. They could do this and still be normal; it was possible. Sid hovered between the kitchen and the hall while Zhenya put away the last of the dishware. 

“You don’t have to go yet,” Zhenya said, and walked over to tug at the bottom of his shirt. “If you go now, you miss my eggs in the morning.”

“Oh, well, you’ve convinced me,” Sid said, and Zhenya smacked him on the ass again but this time it was just because he could. 

Sid stayed in his bed this time, curled towards Zhenya with his hand warm on his hip. Zhenya rubbed his legs together under the covers like a cricket, content and sated to have Sid here with him, the scent of him leaching into Zhenya’s sheets. 

+

Sid texted him _Do you wanna?_ from his hotel room after practice in Philly. There was an extra thrill associated with the prospect of getting their rocks off in the town where the fans gave them the hardest time for sniffing after knots. He showed up at the door of Zhenya’s room, still in one of his quarter zip-up sweaters and trackies. He looked like an overstuffed sausage in its casing and Zhenya just wanted to touch him, so he did, smoothing his hands down Sid’s arms and bringing him in.

“Hey,” Sid said, so dear and lovely.

Zhenya gripped the bottom hem of his sweater. “Up, get comfy,” he said and peeled it over Sid’s head. Even with two of them, Sid still got it stuck around his shoulders. Zhenya could hear his muffled laughter through the fabric and gave it another yank, finally tugging it off. 

“Yeah, that was _way_ more comfortable, _thanks--_ ” Sid said, and Zhenya smacked him on the ass for the sass.

He let Sid flick through the channels. Zhenya felt no need to pretend anymore that his interest lay in anything but Sid when they hung out in each other’s rooms during road trips. Sid landed on a wartime aviation documentary on the History Channel. He settled deeper into the bed. Sid didn’t make any move on him and Zhenya liked it, the shared closeness without any desperation. Zhenya closed his eyes and drifted to the muted sounds of a dogfight going on on-screen. 

He felt Sid shift so he was resting on his side when the show changed, Zhenya had no idea what to he couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his heart in his own ears when he felt Sid’s fingers encircle his wrist and pull Zhenya’s arm over his waist until Zhenya was spooned up behind him. Sid had taken off his track pants before getting into bed and Zhenya’s hand was free to roam over his thick core and smooth stomach. Sid lay very still and didn’t move when Zhenya nudged the tips of his fingers under the waistband of his boxers, and when Sid still didn’t protest, he slipped his hand the rest of the way in, palming Sid’s soft cock. He rolled his fingers over the loose skin where Sid’s knot would swell. Zhenya didn’t necessarily want to start anything, but he couldn’t help touching; he thought about Sid’s knot all the time. 

Zhenya had bonded before, more than once. Knotting wasn’t exclusively for bonding; lots of people knotted during casual sex. Zhenya had, many times. He loved it, loved having someone bury their way inside his body, the overwhelming feel of it and the crest of emotions. Other people took it more seriously, though, either by preference or because they just couldn’t get there without the emotional connection. He wondered which one Sid was. He wondered if he asked him right now if Sid would hold him down and lock them together. 

Zhenya pinched lightly at the skin and he could feel it reverberate through their chests when Sid snorted. 

“Having fun there?”

“Yes, lots.” Zhenya ferreted around Sid’s neck and up into the soft, scent-rich spot behind Sid’s ear until Sid squished his neck and giggled, squirming in Zhenya’s hold. He gripped Sid tighter and opened his mouth against Sid’s neck, sucking lightly. 

Sid went still in his arms. Zhenya could feel the heave of his chest when Sid sucked in a breath, but he didn’t pull away. Zhenya sucked harder, scraping his nails through Sid’s pubic hair until he shivered and gasped.

“G--”

There was the faintest of hickeys on Sid’s neck where the muscle sloped into his shoulder. Zhenya admired it, circular and shiny red against his pale skin. Sid tugged Zhenya’s hand out of his shorts, winding their fingers together. He felt rather than saw it when Sid pulled their hands up and pressed his lips to Zhenya’s knuckles in the faintest hint of a kiss.

“Did you just smell my fingers,” Zhenya whispered and he felt it when Sid huffed out a laugh against where their fingers were intertwined. 

“You smell like me.”

Pleased warmth flooded Zhenya’s body, bubbling up in his chest, and he gripped Sid’s hand tighter, overcome. Zhenya wanted to rub himself all over Sid until their scents were impossible to tell apart. They lay there in silence for a moment, and Zhenya focused on the soft brush of air against his knuckles when Sid breathed. 

“I was thinking,” Sid started, “do you want to go somewhere together for bye week? I don’t know if you thought any more about it but you know, we could hang out.”

“Just hang out?” Zhenya murmured. He could feel the thud of his heart rabbiting away where it was pressed against Sid’s back.

“You know what I mean.” Sid elbowed him softly. “It makes sense, if neither of us planned to go anywhere with anyone...” Sid let himself trail off like he was asking without _asking._

“Makes sense,” Zhenya echoed. 

Sid hummed and flexed his grip on Zhenya’s hand, and Zhenya was tired of not seeing his face. He untangled their fingers and pulled at Sid’s hip until he got the message and turned over. Zhenya pulled the weight of Sid’s thigh over his hip, sliding his hand up the back of Sid’s leg and into his shorts, indulging himself in exploring Sid’s body. He felt the grain of hair there, soft like the meat of where his thigh met the curve of his ass. Zhenya fit his mouth back over Sid’s neck and sucked carefully at the skin there, working it between his teeth until colour bloomed low on Sid’s neck where the mark could be covered by the stiff collar of his game day shirts. 

When he pulled away there was a damp spot on the neck of Sid’s t-shirt and Zhenya flushed; he didn’t realize he’d been drooling quite that much. It didn’t seem to bother Sid who looked pink and pleased and slightly rumpled. Zhenya brushed his fingers lightly over the hot space between Sid’s legs, sinking his hand deeper in. Sid held himself carefully as Zhenya rubbled over his perineum and cautiously back. 

“You ever have a knot here?” Zhenya grazed his finger over Sid’s hole and felt it in Sid’s ribs when he sucked in a breath and let it out shakily. 

“No,” Sid whispered.

“You want it?”

“I’d, I’d try it but--” Sid’s body was wound tight and Zhenya pulled back to get a good look at his face.

“It’s just talk, it’s okay if you don’t like,” Zhenya soothed, pulling his hand back to rest on a safe spot on Sid’s thigh.

“I don’t know if I like it,” Sid said, quietly as ever. Zhenya felt the bob of his Adam’s apple when he swallowed. “You could knot my mouth sometime if you want. I like that.”

_If you want._

Zhenya felt stunned, like he’d been slapped by the visual. Sid said it like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. 

“Geno?” Sid asked, sounding hesitant. 

He brought his hand from Sid’s thigh up to rest against his plush bottom lip, pressing there, at the seam. Sid let it slip into the soft, wet inside of his mouth, just like that. 

“You’re so infuriating,” Zhenya said. Sid made a low inquiring noise and Zhenya rubbed his thumb against the fat pad of Sid’s tongue in a small caress before pulling it away. Sid sucked at it, like he didn’t want it to leave.

Zhenya cupped the side of his face, brushing his thumb over the soft spot of skin under Sid’s eye. “Stay with me.”

Sid's dark eyes searched his face, maybe for a hint of what Zhenya had said, and sighed, his eyes flicked down. “I should probably go.”

At the door, Zhenya pressed kisses to his neck over the marks he made, before zipping up Sid’s sweater over them, all the way up to his chin. He looked chubbed up in his pants and smirked when he caught Zhenya looking. 

“Stop it, it’s unfair,” Zhenya chided.

Sid held his hands up. “It’s not my fault, I don’t want to walk into the Flyers’ arena with my tent popped. That would be unprofessional.”

After the game, and despite the loss, the team went out for dinner. Sid wore his dark night-out shirt, buttoned low, the yellow light from the fixtures showing off a hint of the mark if Sid turned his head just right. Sid’s eyes sparkled at Zhenya when he caught him looking across the table. 

No, Zhenya wasn’t about to give this up. Not to save face, not for anything. 

+

Zhenya shouldn’t have been surprised that by “I’m not sure yet” Sid meant he had already booked a cabin at a Colorado ski resort. Typical. From the photos Sid sent him, it looked like it had a hot tub so Zhenya didn’t begrudge him too much for choosing somewhere cold. 

Sid couldn’t even ski and Zhenya really shouldn’t either for the sake of his knees, but it didn’t stop them from going snow tubing and exploring the village. It turned out that living with Sid for a week wasn’t all that different from the days they spent together during Sid’s concussion or the times he had had Sid over at his house to hang out. If Zhenya was surprised to find that, he shouldn’t have been.

Their first day there Sid had wanted to go to the grocery store right from the airport. Zhenya dragged his feet; he was ready to faceplant into a bed or soak in the hot tub. In the end, Zhenya found he enjoyed arguing with Sid over the produce probably a little too much. He didn’t know what it said about him that this was already better than being under Miami’s hot sun alone, but it probably meant trouble.

He’d been thinking about Sid’s knot again, how to approach getting it in him, different ways to go about coaxing it out. Zhenya had bought no less than five different kinds of lube. He wasn’t sure what kind Sid liked, and he wanted things to go smoothly. Zhenya let Sid finger him again in the hot tub their first night there, after Sid had scraped off the snow from the barbeque and grilled salmon and potatoes and green beans all in tinfoil. 

Zhenya had never been happier to have given in and purchased waterproof lube in his life. He rubbed over the tender patch of skin at the base of Sid’s cock and worked Sid’s balls in his palm until he was red in the face and the vein in his forehead looked like it might burst. 

Zhenya swirled Sid's load into the water with his finger after Zhenya's was already long gone, lost in the bubbles from the jets.

“Good thing there’s chlorine,” Sid said and laughed hard enough Zhenya could see the flash of his steel crown. Zhenya tried not to think about how many other people had done the same thing in here. 

For a week Zhenya woke up with Sid pressed all along his back and his nose planted firmly in the crook of Zhenya’s neck, making it so that he practically had to peel their skin apart when he got up. It made the bubble that threatened to take over Zhenya’s chest expand till it felt like he was walking around floating an inch above the ground with each step. 

He sat at the little table in the kitchen and watched Sid make breakfast, wearing his old grey Rimouski shirt that had seen better days, the one with the neck stretched out a hole at the bottom hem Zhenya could poke his finger through. Sid looked rumpled and ungelled, flipping omelettes and humming to himself. Sid looked happy. 

Zhenya missed being in a relationship. Not just being made breakfast--though he liked that too; he missed having a person: someone he could take care of and be committed to and having somebody looking after him in return. Maybe it was just his instincts to _claim_ working overtime now that he was in his thirties and hadn’t mated. 

Zhenya wondered if Sid had ever had that before. He must have, at some point. Zhenya had to stretch his mind to remember a handful of people Sid had been with long enough for Sid to bring them around team events. He wondered how many of them had gotten to wake up next to him and eat one of Sid’s omelettes.

Zhenya felt like Sid was his person; could be his person for a long time. He just hadn’t told him that yet. 

Sid let him suck another mark into his skin that night; then another one, and again and again, each one darker than the last. He managed to get a few in every day, feeling very pleased with himself at the litany of bruises over Sid’s chest, back, and neck. Zhenya had even managed to sneak one in on the inside of his thigh. 

He dropped his mouth back to Sid’s nipple and sucked. His skin tasted faintly of chlorine from the hot tub and Zhenya sucked harder till Sid’s scent spiked and took over. Zhenya had been unsuccessful at getting Sid’s knot to come out of its hiding place. He didn’t know if Sid was knot-shy the way he was commitment-shy or what. It just meant that Zhenya had to be creative in finding new ways to satisfy that itch that lived under his skin to claim and be claimed.

“Hey, enough,” Sid said breathlessly and tugged at Zhenya’s hair. “I think everyone will get the point.”

Zhenya lifted his head from the glistening patch of skin. “And what point is that?”

Sid swallowed visibly. “That you don’t like to share.”

“No, I don’t,” Zhenya said, low and sincere, before reclaiming the rosy peak into his mouth, worrying at it until Sid scrabbled at his back and arched into the suction.

+

Sid wanted to get in at least one long hike before they left. Zhenya acquiesced to the promise of hot chocolate. The sun was out and the trees buffered the wind for them as they wandered up through the trails. Zhenya was happy to follow Sid who seemed to have a plan in mind. They stopped when the trail they were following opened up to a lookout. The wind bit at his cheeks, but for once Zhenya didn't really mind. The lookout opened up, giving them a clear view of the slopes and the village nestled in the center. Zhenya buried his hands in his pockets and admired the view. It looked like a town of toy houses from this far up. A fantasy world. 

“Do you think that’s a grey jay?” Sid pointed out what looked to Zhenya like a black and white blob sitting on a tree branch. “They’re rare out here.”

“Maybe,” Zhenya said. He had no idea.

“I should have brought binoculars,” Sid muttered, shielding his eyes from the bright sun and squinting. Zhenya shook his head and looked around. They weren’t the only ones up here; on the other side of the clearing there was a couple, standing in their own bubble. They weren’t paying Sid or Zhenya any attention. Zhenya tried not to be too obvious about watching them. They stood huddled together, hands clasped together against the cold. Zhenya shivered. 

When he looked back, Sid was watching him. “Nice spot, right?”

Zhenya nodded, bringing his shoulders up and burying his chin deeper into his coat neck. “Cold.”

Sid gave him a sympathetic look. “Here,” he said and pulled the scarf from where it was draped over his shoulders, wrapping it around Zhenya’s neck. Zhenya buried his face deep into the soft fabric. It smelled like Sid. 

“Cute,” Sid said with a smile and tugged at one end, laughing when Zhenya smacked the back of his hand against Sid’s stomach.

“Let’s keep moving so you don’t turn into an icicle,” Sid decided, and made his way back the way they came.

“You owe me hot chocolate,” Zhenya reminded him, stepping into place beside Sid. He walked close enough for their shoulders to touch and if he let the back of his hand brush against Sid’s every few steps, no one had to know. 

Zhenya did get his hot chocolate. It was watery and sweet but it warmed his numb fingers. He watched in horror as Sid took the grainy sugary dregs of Zhenya’s cup and dumped them into his mouth after his own. 

“What? It’s the best part,” Sid said. He tossed the paper coffee cups into the fireplace and smiled at Zhenya in a way that normally meant trouble. “They’ll turn the fire green when you burn them.” 

Zhenya spent the afternoon reading and listening to Sid putter around their cabin, never quite managing to sit still for more than ten minutes. He hovered between the kitchen and the living room and watched Zhenya until he put his bookmark in and gave Sid his attention. 

“Do you want to get dinner somewhere?” Sid asked.

Zhenya pulled out his phone, ready to pull up some options. “Yes, we order?”

“No, I mean we can, but I meant go out. Like to a restaurant,” Sid said, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He had his hands firmly placed in his pockets again. “There’s an Italian place that looked good. I was thinking we could try that?”

Pasta, of course. “Sure, sounds nice.”

Sid must have called ahead because there was someone waiting for them when they arrived. Sid held the door open for him, taking Zhenya by surprise. Zhenya had expected the nice setting and the good service, even Sid cleaning up. What he hadn’t been expecting was to come out of this feeling _wooed_. He couldn’t help but preen a little in the face of Sid’s ministrations.

The food was good, much better than Zhenya’s previous experiences with what Americans thought passed for Italian food. He took in the train paraphernalia around them. It was a lot of historical photographs and industrial-looking knick-knacks mounted on the walls. There was a bar in the corner with glasses hanging slotted above the countertop, and wood-panelled walls were painted a muted olive green. No wonder Sid liked this place. 

Sid ordered a pasta dish that came with an egg yolk on top and what Zhenya was pretty sure were bacon bits. Whatever it was it looked rich, and Zhenya shot Sid a knowing look. 

“You’re going to get fat,” he teased when Sid caught him looking.

“Whatever," Sid said. “It’s good, we’re on vacation.” 

They were on vacation, together. Zhenya had to smile at that. “Let me have a bite,” he said, and insisted until Sid gave in and fed Zhenya some of the noodles twirled on his fork. If the look on his face was anything to go by, Sid didn’t mind so much. It was admittedly very good though as rich as Zhenya anticipated. He wiped the corner of his mouth and sucked the buttery sauce off his thumb. He could imagine what Sid’s mouth would taste like. 

When they got back, Sid built a fire with the coffee cups thrown in. They did end up turning the fire green, then blue. 

“Cool, eh? Like magic.”

“Pretty,” Zhenya said and looked up at Sid, and Sid walked over and kissed him, just like that. Like maybe he had been thinking about doing it all day. 

Sid’s hand was gripped tight to the back of Zhenya’s neck. He could feel the pressure of Sid’s fingers leaving indentations in his skin and the thrum that echoed between them, like a voice ricocheting off the slopes of a valley. Zhenya rested his hands on Sid’s hips, bringing their bodies together to close the distance. 

Sid pulled away, his thumb brushing back and forth against the side of Zhenya’s neck. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Back and forth against the skin. That was where Sid’s claim mark would go. Not just if they were bonded, if they were _mated._

“I was thinking,” Sid started quietly. “I could blow you and then you could knot my mouth.”

Zhenya’s nostrils flared, drinking him in. Sid’s eyes were large and dark and hungry for it. Zhenya swore quietly, pressing his thumb back to that dip in Sid’s bottom lip, where it had rested the last time they talked about this. “You want me to knot you, right here?”

He rubbed his thumb back and forth against the seam of Sid’s lips and Sid tightened his grip on the back of Zhenya’s neck, bringing him down into a second bruising kiss. “Give it to me,” he whispered. 

“I’m so lucky,” Zhenya murmured, cupping Sid’s face in his hand. He pressed a kiss to his mouth, then another. “Such a nice guy, takes me out to dinner and lets me stick my knot in his pretty mouth.” He kissed Sid one last time and watched him turn red even though he couldn’t understand what Zhenya was saying. “Where do you want me?” he asked.

“Sit on the couch,” Sid said, face glowing like one of the embers from the fire.

Zhenya did what he was told, skinning off his pants and boxers before pulling off his shirt and dropping one of the cushions between his feet so Sid had something to kneel on. _“It’s better for my neck,”_ he’d explained, and Zhenya wondered just how many times Sid had done this before, let someone do it to him. 

He watched Sid take off his shirt a button at a time and slide off his dress pants, folding them both over the back of a chair. The fire lit him softly in warm light and Zhenya felt his heart lodge somewhere up in his throat. 

“Underwear too,” Zhenya said and watched Sid greedily as he bent over to peel off his briefs, giving Zhenya a good look at the pale expanse of his ass and thighs, the shadow of his balls between his legs, skin creamy in the firelight. Zhenya felt his mouth flood in anticipation. 

Sid knelt between his legs, rubbing his palms up over the tops of Zhenya’s thighs. He spread his legs wider, giving Sid a nod as if to say _go on._ Sid gazed up at him through his lashes with his big eyes and bent to fit his mouth over Zhenya’s sack, tugging gingerly with the suction of his lips. Zhenya took his cock in his hand, touching himself lightly at the spectacle. 

Sid popped off and sucked the other ball into his mouth, humming low, and sending a thrill zipping all the way up Zhenya’s spine. That was Sid kneeling between his legs, about to take his knot.

“Here,” Zhenya said, angling his cock towards Sid’s face. “Suck it.” 

Sid pulled off a final time, offering up his mouth and letting Zhenya feed it to him. He tightened the circle of his lips, sucking softly at Zhenya’s cock, and Zhenya felt the hot brush of Sid’s tongue, flicking over the head before he took Zhenya deeper.

Zhenya’s hips jerked without his permission, not expecting it when the tip of Sid’s tongue wormed under the foreskin. “Sorry,” Zhenya said when Sid coughed and drew back, already braced to get up and go get Sid some water.

“It’s okay, you can fuck my mouth,” Sid reassured. “Just give me a heads up, here--” he added, and dropped his jaw, tilting his head at the perfect angle for Zhenya to take it. 

With a tremulous breath, he cupped Sid’s crooked jaw in his hand, slotting his dick back between Sid’s fat lips and thrusting carefully into the soft, warm suction of his mouth. 

Zhenya could feel the faint scratch of Sid’s stubble on the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. The friction would probably leave a burn. Zhenya wanted it to. He wanted to be left with some kind of mark from this. Sid had been so deliberate in his effort not to leave any on him, the same way he had been careful not to knot him. It had been driving Zhenya wild. He could feel how much Sid wanted it, yearned for it, simmering there under his skin. 

Zhenya had always felt like he had been attuned to Sid like a carefully set frequency on a radio and now he was experiencing the full force of what had once been a staticky crackle wavering between them. As if Sid’s whole body was thrumming at a chord only Zhenya could pick up. It wasn’t going to be hard for him to knot at all. Zhenya could already feel the pull brewing in his gut, tugging him towards the brink. Sid made a low pleased noise around him and Zhenya fucked his mouth more insistently, feeling himself begin to swell. 

Sid gagged around him when Zhenya thrust deep, the muscles in the back of his throat tightening and fluttering. Zhenya pulled back, concerned, as Sid sputtered. A long thin strand of drool connected his bottom lip to Zhenya’s dick. “Okay?” Zhenya asked.

Sid nodded, wiping some of the spit from his lip. “Keep going, don’t go easy on me.”

Numbly, Zhenya guided his dick back into Sid’s waiting mouth. Sid balked at the suggestion of taking a knot up his ass but didn’t have any reservations stuffing his face full of one. 

When Sid gagged again Zhenya only pulled away for a second before pushing back in, deeper this time and watching a spit bubble pop and drool out of the corner of Sid’s mouth. With every thrust, wet noises were getting punched out, deep from within the back of Sid’s throat, but his eyes were sweetly closed, cheeks bulging. He looked blissed out. 

Zhenya watched the base of his dick grow fatter, watched as Sid’s lips stretched to accommodate him, trying to latch and take hold. A tremor ran through Zhenya’s thighs as he worked to stay still for him, tracing the line of Sid’s big nose and the generous curves of his upper lip stretched around Zhenya’s cock. Trying to distract himself from just taking what he wanted from Sid.

“ _Sid,_ ” Zhenya moaned and his hips twitched, unbidden. He couldn’t help it; at that moment Sid’s mouth was the best thing he’d ever stuck his dick in. He bucked again when he felt the back of Sid’s throat work, unable to move, sheathing Zhenya as deep as he could but sucking anyways like he couldn’t get enough. And that was it. Zhenya’s knot throbbed against the soft pad of Sid’s tongue and he swore, trembling through his orgasm, trying to rub as much of his knot as he could against the hot inside of Sid’s mouth. Jizz dripped out of the corners of Sid’s lips, unable to swallow properly with Zhenya still in him like this. Zhenya pulled out a little and thrust back in just to watch it seep out and Sid struggled to accommodate his knot. 

Zhenya couldn’t stop his babbling, cradling Sid’s face in his hands. “So good,” Zhenya crooned, stroking his thumbs over Sid’s cheekbones and watching them turn bright pink under his care. “You’re precious.”

Sid blinked up at him, eyes dark and a little watery. He kept still, trying to hold as much of Zhenya in his mouth as he could while Zhenya hitched his hips in gentle thrusts. Zhenya thumbed a tear from Sid’s eyelash and cooed, “Wonderful.” 

Sid’s eyes pinched shut again as Zhenya’s knot slowly deflated. Finally, Zhenya slipped out and Sid rubbed over his jaw, stretching it out. 

“Hey,” Zhenya called. Sid looked up at him and Zhenya leaned down, capturing his face, and kissed the mess of his mouth tenderly.

Sid made a broken noise against his lips and Zhenya helped pull him up into his lap till Sid was straddling him, kissing him some more. Sid made a series of insistent noises against his mouth, and Zhenya felt Sid shift over him, unable to hold still. Zhenya pulled back. Sid’s dick was standing at attention, hard and bright pink between his legs, swollen at the base and red. Sid had liked it so much he’d knotted _, just like that. God--_

Zhenya marvelled at it, thumbing reverently over the tender-looking swell. This was the first time Zhenya had ever gotten to see it. He spat into his palm, getting it nice and wet for Sid, and massaged the base gently. Sid moaned and began grinding slowly, his thick thighs clenching and releasing where they were splayed over Zhenya’s hips. Sid’s arms came to rest around his neck, braced against Zhenya’s shoulders as he took Sid’s weight. 

Zhenya felt light-headed, like they were sharing the same air and there wasn’t enough oxygen. He held Sid tight and Sid’s head fell to Zhenya’s shoulder as he fucked into Zhenya’s grip. Zhenya could feel the faint brush of Sid’s lips, mouthing at his neck like he wanted to mark but was holding himself back. Zhenya couldn’t for the life of him understand why. It felt so good to do. 

A rumble crackled and popped in his chest. Zhenya couldn’t help himself in the face of what was bleeding off of Sid. The pressure in his chest was overwhelming, filled up with feelings that were only partially his, spilling out of every pore like a geyser. Sid’s face was tucked so close Zhenya could hear his soft intake of breath as Sid snapped his hips a few times, using Zhenya’s hand until he shuddered and came in Zhenya’s palm. Sid ground through the aftershocks, his knot pulsing to the rhythm of his heartbeat, right there under Zhenya’s fingers. Zhenya kissed his hot ear and whispered a few things to him he knew Sid wouldn’t understand. 

Zhenya was left to sit in the wake of their combined emotion. There was a deep stirring in his core as he held Sid’s knot in his hand and kept him close throughout the churning currents of emotion. With Sid lying over him like this it felt like Sid might just melt into him, amalgamize their bodies. Zhenya wouldn’t mind it so much. 

Eventually, Sid pulled away. There was so much jizz Zhenya would probably have to mop it up. Sid's scent was still turbulent above him, fragrant feelings pouring out of him. Zhenya had to focus hard on reeling himself back in. There was no denying it anymore: he was in deep. 

+

“You smell like a house fire,” was the first thing Rust said when Sid walked into the locker room.

“And sour milk,” added Muzz, who was already sitting down getting undressed but waited till now to add his two cents. 

“Sorry,” Sid said and sniffed under his armpit. “I guess this shirt is getting kinda funky.”

He peeled it off to a series of wolf whistles when the extent of Zhenya’s work on Sid’s torso was revealed to the room in a series of shades of purple and blue. 

Tanger turned to give him a pointed look. “You could at least bathe him for us. We’d all appreciate it.”

“I’m not his _babysitter_ ,” Zhenya scoffed.

 _“Kinky,”_ Zach said and barely avoided Zhenya’s arm when he tried to snatch him into a headlock. “Hey, I'm only calling it like I see it.”

Zhenya waved them away with his hand and resigned himself to sit and slouch in his locker. 

“Aww, don’t be grouchy,” Tanger said. “At least you don’t look like you’ve been attacked by a lamprey.”

“A lamprey wouldn't be so vicious,” McCann added, and Zhenya stuck his leg out to try and trip him as he passed, making it clear that he’d feel okay with murder right now. 

Sid had been suspiciously silent, his back to the locker room as he pulled on his base layers. Sid loved getting razzed. Zhenya pulled his toque down low over his brows. 

Sid fed him a few pieces of his sandwich in the lounge before the game. Now that Rust had mentioned it, Zhenya couldn’t shake it: Sid _did_ smell sour. It was a different scent from the usual spiciness of his musk and equally as strong. He’d never smelt it on Sid before. It was new and Zhenya didn’t know if he liked it. The smell made an ominous feeling bloom in his gut.

Sid held another piece of bread in front of his face and Zhenya lipped it out of his fingers, chewing it thoughtfully. “The team knows now, that okay?”

“Yeah,” Sid said. “I figured they might have put it together by now. Is it okay with you?”

Zhenya frowned at him, confused. He thought he’d been pretty explicit about his feelings, maybe a little _too_ explicit. “Of course.”

“Oh.” Sid’s brow furrowed in confusion. “It’s just you--”

He was interrupted when Dana walked into the lounge. “Hey guys, good break?”

“Yeah, really good,” Sid said and smiled, a tightness lingering around his eyes. 

+

They had the Florida road trip ahead of them. But first, they had to beat the Capitals on home ice, which was never easy. Even though they won, the sourness in Sid’s scent was still overpowering, like curdled milk. Not for the first time when it came to Sid, Zhenya was left confused.

They had three days before the road trip. Sid stayed over for most of them. Now, whenever he wasn’t around, Zhenya got an uncomfortable pressure that settled over his chest, like no matter how he sat or stood or what he did to distract himself, he was always slightly uncomfortable.

They were sitting in Zhenya’s media room, watching a fishing show Sid liked about river monsters, when Zhenya just couldn’t bite his tongue anymore.

“Sid, you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” Sid paused the show and looked over at him. His finger tapped an uneven rhythm against the back of the couch. “What’s up?”

Zhenya didn’t know how he knew Sid was lying except he just did; he felt it in his bones. Sid was a good liar but he didn’t lie to Zhenya, or at least Zhenya never thought he had. Not about anything important. And this seemed like it was important. Whatever it was. 

“I don’t know, your scent it’s changed, different.” Zhenya gestured to the air around them like maybe that would help him explain.

Sid’s fingers stilled behind Zhenya’s shoulder, pulling his arm off the back of the couch to cross them over his chest. “No, I’m good. I bought a new shampoo, maybe that's what you’re smelling.”

Zhenya sighed. If Sid didn’t want to talk about it there was no persuading him too; he was about as stubborn as Zhenya was. He decided to leave it and change the subject, at least for now. In little over a week, it would be French language night at PPG and Zhenya had been thinking: “Do you want to come over for dinner with Seryozha and Talbo?”

Sid sucked on his lip, eyes firmly planted on the TV even though the image was still frozen on the screen, his entire body language said he didn’t really want to talk about _anything._ “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

Zhenya scoffed. Now that was just ridiculous. “It’s not intrude, it’s invite. Max wants to see you, didn’t he call?”

“Yeah, he called,” Sid said quietly, as if to himself, then shook himself out of it, finally meeting Zhenya’s eyes again. “No, it’s a good idea G, it will be great to see them.” He gave Zhenya a tight smile, then unpaused the TV. Zhenya watched as the man on screen reeled in a catfish roughly the size of a bumper car. _What the fuck._

+

Things didn’t get any better with time. Every time they were in the same room together the aura radiating off Sid was a turbulent one, like there was a storm brewing under his skin. Sid only got one shot on goal at the Lightning game and Zhenya could feel Sid’s frustration burrowing its way under his skin. 

Agitation rolled off of Sid in waves as they trudged through the foyer of the hotel and Sid jammed the button in the elevator to their floor. Zhenya followed Sid to his room again, which was probably his first mistake. But Sid had let him in anyway and when he shut the door, pressed Zhenya up against the wall. 

It was rushed, the way it had been in the bathroom close two months ago, except this time everything was brightly lit and Zhenya felt overexposed, rubbed raw with feelings that weren’t entirely his. He felt like he’d been good at keeping his feelings closer to his chest since then. Trying to reinforce the barrier between them, make Sid more comfortable. 

Sid made a frustrated noise, close to a growl, and stepped away from him. “Get on the bed.”

Zhenya didn’t bother with his clothes, nor did he have time to as Sid corralled him across the room. Zhenya fell back across the mattress and Sid was blanketing him in seconds. He gripped the sides of Sid’s face, bringing Sid’s mouth down hard against his. He still had his shoes on, Zhenya thought erratically. He could barely feel his feet anyway, not with Sid grinding their hips together hard enough to make Zhenya’s brain numb. He clung to Sid’s back through his shirt and opened his mouth hot against the skin above Sid’s collar, coming to terms with the fact that he was probably going to come in his dress pants. Zhenya bit at the muscle in Sid’s neck, harder than he normally would, and Sid grabbed him by his hair and tugged Zhenya’s mouth back up to meet his. 

Having Sid’s body over his on the bed felt suffocating. Heat was coming off of him like a furnace, leaving Zhenya feeling even more wound-up and frustrated, the smell of him driving Zhenya even wilder. Wild enough to feel like pushing it. 

He pulled away from the seal of Sid’s mouth. “Why won’t you mark me?”

“What?” Sid asked. His face was red and his eyes looked glazed over.

 _“Mark me,”_ Zhenya repeated, in English this time, and watched Sid’s face shutter.

“I don’t like to leave marks,” Sid said, and moved to reclaim Zhenya’s mouth, but Zhenya pushed at his chest.

"It's not even a bond mark, Sid. Just a hickey," Zhenya said and watched as Sid flinched minutely and his scent turned acrid. Zhenya recoiled in turn. Was the just idea of bonding with him that bad? Zhenya jutted his jaw out stubbornly and gave Sid another shove. “At least knot me.”

“Stop talking,” Sid said warningly but Zhenya ignored him

“Knot me. You’re so angry, I can smell it. Maybe you’ll feel better.”

 _“_ I _can’t,_ ” Sid said, giving him nothing.

“Why!” Zhenya snapped, frustrated with being left in the dark once again, feeling confused and stupid. 

Sid pulled away from him, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing his hands over his face. 

“I don’t have a good answer for you.” Sid said, and Zhenya didn’t need to see his face to tell he was lying. Zhenya realized it then, Sid smelt _guilty._ “I think you should leave.”

“Sid--" Zhenya started. He didn’t even know what he was going to say but Sid cut him off before he had the chance to figure it out. 

“Please, just go.”

+

Ignoring Sid for a week was harder than Zhenya expected. He’d done it not that long ago. Avoidance wasn’t the issue. Sid’s ability to make himself scarce when he needed was unmatched. No one knew the arena better than he did besides maybe the janitors and the security guards. Sid could move effectively through the tunnels in a way that brought a new level of meaning to the term _rink rat._

Zhenya felt like someone had whisked his insides up until they were foaming, left on the edge and ready to snap at anyone who looked at him funny. Where did Sid get off feeling guilty of all things? It didn’t make any more sense then before Zhenya had pieced it together. 

There was a prickle under his skin, feeling tight and feverish. Maybe he was coming down with something, but he didn’t have any other symptoms. Zhenya took his own temperature, but that was normal too. 

“Is Sid injured again?” Tanger asked him before the home game against Tampa.

Zhenya put his hands up. “I don’t know,” he hissed. “He just act strange.” Maybe, it would explain some of Sid’s erratic behaviour, but not all.

“You mean he hasn’t said anything to you?” Tanger looked confused, his brow folded in concern. 

Zhenya shook his head and looked down at his feet. This next part wasn’t so easy. “Maybe we get in a fight.”

“Oh,” Tanger said, like that explained everything, and looked at Zhenya piteously.

Zhenya pressed his knuckles tight to his mouth, feeling all his agitation boil until he couldn't hold the words back anymore.

“Why is this my fault? If he wants to sulk, be big _baby_ \--” Zhenya shook his head again. He didn’t know how to explain how he felt. He did feel guilty but he couldn’t understand what for. Maybe it was just the remnants that had been leaking off Sid like a drippy tap. 

“But aren’t you guys...” Tanger trailed off unhelpfully.

“What?” Zhenya snapped. He wished people would just say what they mean. "We're _what_?"

“Never mind,” Tanger said, shaking his head. “You’re right, it’s not any of my business. I’ll see you later.”

After he was gone, Zhenya cupped his hand over his eyes in the hallway and wondered what he was missing. He’d probably fucked something up. 

+

Dinner was a welcome distraction. It didn’t stop Zhenya from checking his phone all day, though, but there were no new notifications from _Private number_. Zhenya sighed and pocketed it again for what he swore was the final time. 

Talbo showed up early with a bottle of wine and Zhenya hugged him hard for it, feeling oddly needy like he had all week.

When they pulled apart, Max wrinkled his nose and looked at Zhenya scrutinally. “You reek like Sid.”

Zhenya sighed. “Let's open this, yes?” He didn’t wait for an answer, stalking towards the kitchen. 

Max stood across from him in the kitchen, leaning against the opposite counter, and watched as Zhenya pulled out two glasses and got the bottle open, pouring generously. 

“Easy my friend, it’s still early.” 

Zhenya told Max about everything. Well, maybe not some details. But, he told him about bye week and about Sid showing up to his hotel room, he even told him about their fight and the bitter aura that had been emanating from Sid for almost two weeks.

Max looked a little hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me you bonded with Sid?”

Zhenya snorted. “We’re not bonded.” Zhenya didn’t know if Sid would ever be interested in bonding or mating with _anybody_. Maybe after retirement, but that felt so far away. Something equally as sour as Sid’s lingering scent churned in his stomach. 

“Whoa, G--look, I know what you smell like when you’re just horny, and this isn’t it, buddy.” 

“Shut up,” Zhenya said but he knew Max was right. Unfortunately, it made a lot of sense. How could he have missed it? 

Zhenya raked his hands through his hair, unable to quell the panic rising in his chest. It couldn't be over; Zhenya couldn’t have missed an opportunity, just like that. He racked his brain for what his next move should be. He couldn’t just run to Sid’s house, Sid was _mad_ at him, and Zhenya still wasn't sure why. Did he even want to be bonded to Zhenya? Had he realized it already and hated him because Zhenya couldn’t keep his cool when he knotted Sid? He dragged his hands down his face and made a noise like a dying animal. It may have been cliche, but it felt like a chunk of him was missing. Like Zhenya’s skin was too big now, depleted without another person.

He heard the gurgle of Max topping off his drink. “You’ve been bonded before, dude, what gives?”

“It’s been a long time,” Zhenya said. “I didn’t want to do it _again_ if it’s not serious. Didn’t think.” That was it. He just didn’t _think_ \-- 

The doorbell rang. Zhenya was sure he looked like a crazy person when he opened the door and from the look on Seryozha’s face he was right. 

Seryozha surveyed the foyer and raised his eyebrow at Zhenya. “No Sid?”

Zhenya shook his head.

Ksenia hung up her coat and walked over to him. “Let me help with dinner,” she said and led him with a hand on his back to the kitchen. 

She started poking around what Zhenya had going on the stove and checked the oven with a satisfied nod. She picked up Zhenya’s wine glass he had abandoned on the counter. “This is mine now.”

Zhenya wasn’t about to argue with her. “Max thinks I bonded with Sidney,” he said quietly.

She gave him a contemplating look. “And is this a good thing? Are we happy about this?”

Zhenya's brain stalled. He didn’t know. He should be, but-- “He’s mad at me, I don’t know why.”

“Ask him.” She sighed. “If you want to _know,_ Zhenya, you have to ask him. Sid won't lie to you.” 

_Yeah_ , Zhenya thought bitterly. He had thought that, too. But still, he knew she was right. 

“Everything okay?” Seryozha asked, standing in the doorway to the kitchen. “Max says you and Sid are having a domestic.”

“Max needs to keep his big mouth shut,” Zhenya said. 

“Yes,” Ksenia answered for him. “But Zhenya’s going to fix it. Right?” she said, fixing him with a pointed look. It wasn’t a question.

He nodded numbly. “Right.”

“Okay good, because you promised to feed us food, not saltwater.”

Zhenya huffed out a laugh and rubbed at his eyes, finding them wet. He smiled, for what felt like the first time in days. “Okay.”

+

Sid was always, _always_ excited to see old teammates again. Especially ones who won the Cup with them in 2009 and ones who gave him an opportunity to flex his French. Max fit both of those criteria, which was why it didn’t make any sense that Sid was avoiding him. Avoiding _them_. It was probable that Zhenya was the deterrent. 

If Sid had smelt sour before, now he was practically acidic, Zhenya could taste the sharp metallic flavour on the back of his tongue like he’d been sucking on pennies. He had seen Sid disappear into the trainers’ room and not come out. Maybe Max was wrong; maybe Sid just was injured again, and Zhenya’s stomach was gripped again by that squirming, unyielding panic. This wasn’t going to help him play this game. He went to go stretch alone until his limbs were loose and warm and he felt a little more like a human again and not like an animal running purely on instinct. 

Sid could always get it together on ice; he had three assists. Zhenya got one shot on goal and wanted to smash his stick into a million pieces. Fuck leadership, fuck professionalism. His head hung between his shoulders and he tried to even out his breathing. Zhenya felt someone pat him on the back and looked up to find Tanger watching him. Kris gave him a nod and half a smile. Zhenya gave him a nod in return and let himself relax, just for a moment. 

Sid slipped out of the locker room before anyone else. Zhenya followed him, jogging down the hall to catch up. “Sid,” he called and watched Sid’s head duck.

“Sid!” he tried again, and ahead of him Sid stopped and turned. Up close he didn’t look so great, like he was really in need of a good night's sleep. Zhenya clenched his hands into soft fists. “Can we talk?”

Sid looked guilty and he smelled sourer than ever, more than just the smell of sweat after a game. “Now isn’t really a good time, G--”

“I miss you.” He should have just said that from the beginning. “I have to tell you something,” Zhenya said and stepped hesitantly closer into Sid’s space. 

Sid looked reluctant, with his lips pressed tight, and flushed with a sheen of sweat. More than just the sweat, his eyes looked glassy and red-rimmed. Zhenya searched his face and watched Sid take a mouth full of air. He looked kind of like a red, constipated frog--

“I’ve got to go get something stretched out." Sid’s words tripped over themselves in a rush to get out. “Say hi to Max for me, eh?” Sid took a step to move around Zhenya and froze. 

“Oh, God--” he mumbled. 

“Hey! Sid!” Zhenya looked over, but he already knew who it was. Max was striding down the hallway. He stopped beside Zhenya. “We had a good time the other night, but I missed seeing you, man.” 

“I wasn’t feeling well,” Sid croaked. 

“That’s too bad, I know Zhenya was sad you weren't there...” Max intoned, reaching up and squeezing Zhenya’s shoulder. 

A growl echoed through the hall. It took Zhenya a moment to realize it had been ripped from Sid’s chest. All three of them stilled. Sid looked mortified. All the blood had run from his face, leaving him looking pallid. 

“Whoa, bud,” Max said, holding his hands up in surrender. “What have they been feeding you?”

Sid shook himself out of it. “Sorry, I have to go,” he said, and booked it back down the hall as fast as he could go without breaking into a jog.

“See, what did I tell you?” Max said, as if he’d been a great help. 

Zhenya sighed. “I’ll call you later,” he said and went off down the hall after Sid. 

He followed the acrid scent of frustration and self-pity to the training room. He found Sid on a bike, pedalling rapidly with his head bowed. Zhenya stood there as Sid’s feet slowed and he sat upright. 

Zhenya couldn’t hold it back anymore. If Sid wasn’t going to talk, he would. They had been not talking about it for two months and if they had _bonded_ \-- “Sid, what’s going on?” He had a lot of questions. 

“It’s dumb,” Sid muttered.

“I don’t care,” Zhenya said and Sid leaned heavily on the handlebars with a sigh.

“I haven’t been feeling well and I--I think I'm going into rut early,” he ended quietly. 

Zhenya stepped closer, reaching up to pull Sid’s crusty hat from his head. He pushed the sweaty hair off of his forehead, feeling Sid’s hot cheek with the back of his hand. Sid blinked up at him slowly. His irises were a thin ring around his pupils. “Oh Sid,” Zhenya sighed, “you growled at Max.”

“I know, that’s the dumbest part--” Sid said and shook his head like he was trying to rid himself of the memory. “Remember back in ‘09, I--you knew I was interested in Alphas, I just thought.” Sid licked his lips. They looked so dry, and for a moment Zhenya wondered if he had any of that lip chap Sid gave him still in his pocket. 

“It was stupid, but I thought you might pick me that night. If you were going to pick anyone from the team to go home with you, that is, and then it was _Max--_ ” Sid’s head dipped. “I guess I’ve just been thinking about it a lot recently.”

Zhenya’s heart clenched for what could have been. He didn’t regret what happened, but if he could have had this with Sid when they were younger-- His head gave another painful twang. Maybe it was better that they were doing this now.

“I didn’t know you knew that.”

“Everyone knew, it was kind of obvious, G,” Sid said.

“You never say.” No one ever said.

“I didn’t want to embarrass you, I told some of the guys to leave it alone, and then we were gone for the summer and you know, gossip turns over fast,” Sid said with a rueful quirk to his lips. 

Zhenya remembered that summer. It had its ups and downs. He had gotten to bring the Cup to Magnitogorsk, he had broken up with Oksana, and Sid--well, Zhenya hadn’t exactly been the most self-aware at 22.

“Wasn’t just me and Max, Oksana was there too, you’re interested in omegas?” Zhenya asked, skeptical, and he watched the tips of Sid’s ears turn red. 

“You know I'm not.” Sid shot him a significant look. “And I know that, but.” His face got tight and he gave a half shrug. “I still thought maybe, all those months after you saw me picking up and nothing. I just wasn’t expecting you to sleep with anyone else on the team, is all. Like I said, it was stupid, I was jealous.”

Zhenya petted his hair soothingly. “You’re still jealous?” He didn’t want Sid to want him only because he thought someone else might get to him first. That wasn’t love or a partnership. 

“No, I just got all wound up.”

Zhenya nodded, choosing his next words carefully. “Max, he thinks we bonded, and Sid, I think he’s right.”

Sid flinched, but looked him in the eye and straightened his shoulders when he said. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Zhenya frowned, confused. “You know and you don’t say?” A little hurt. Sid flinched again and Zhenya wondered for the first time just how much he could feel pouring through the bond. 

“I wasn’t trying to, it just happened, and I didn’t know.” Sid sighed. “I thought maybe it was just me. You weren’t giving me much.” He huffed out a laugh with a shake of his head. “I should have known. It was like trying to listen through a wall, every once in a while I’d get glimpses of things, but I couldn’t be sure.”

It was Zhenya’s turn to feel guilty. All this time he should have been giving Sid more credit. Zhenya had underestimated both him and his feelings.

“I was planning to bring it up to you,” Sid explained. “I was preparing, trying to do it right.”

“The sandwiches?” Zhenya said as it dawned on him. He should have known Sid would try and court someone with organic peanut butter and jelly. God, they had both been idiots. 

Sid flushed. Zhenya was surprised he could still pick it out. Sid was so red it looked like someone had stuck him in the oven and set it to broil. “I was worried I might give you a claim mark without you knowing.”

“ _Sid._ ” Zhenya cupped the back of his neck and pulled him in, standing close and letting Sid sweat all over him and bury his face into the crook of Zhenya’s neck, mouth open against his skin and scenting.

They stood there for a while. Zhenya could smell it when Sid's pheromones began to even out to a lighter, sweeter scent, one Zhenya hadn't experienced before when Sid whispered: “Can you take me home?”

+

It had gone something like this:

In 2009, before the playoffs, Zhenya had seen Sid at a gay bar in New York. If anything, it had been anticlimactic. Sid had caught Zhenya’s eye from across the bar and Zhenya had raised his glass in acknowledgment. Sid had ducked his head and slipped away. That had been it. Zhenya had left not that long after. It was one thing being somewhere public when it was just him, but if it was Zhenya and Sid together, that would have drawn some attention. It wasn’t that he had been ashamed, but he didn’t want to ruin it for Sid. There were a few guys on the team who knew Zhenya was open for anything. He was careful but he wasn’t shy about it. But Sid, Sid liked his privacy. Zhenya could afford him that. Zhenya hadn’t even _known_ before then. Maybe he felt a little foolish for missing it. Sid was someone he considered closest on the team. Foolish, and maybe a little hopeful. 

The memories of winning the 2009 Cup were as crisp and clear as the champagne they drank in the back of Zhenya’s mind. He had imagined Sid would taste the same: light and bubbly and sweet if he had kissed him after the Cup party at Mario’s house or any of the days after during the press tour. The way Sid had watched him from across the room those next coming days had made Zhenya think he might get the chance to find out. He had waited, but nothing had come of it, so Zhenya took Max home with him and Oksana instead and that had been that. 

He hadn’t heard much from Sid that summer. It had left Zhenya with a sick, heavy feeling in his stomach when he thought of it. Maybe Sid was afraid Zhenya would say something. He would _never,_ but he couldn’t know what Sid was thinking, which always seemed to be Zhenya’s biggest hurdle of all. He had braced himself for he didn’t know what but at training camp Sid had greeted him like normal, and everything was fine, forgotten. 

Sid was bolder after that summer, didn’t sneak around, started picking up at bars with the team. Zhenya had been happy for him, for his sexual awakening, or whatever. Maybe he was still a little embarrassed. He sometimes wondered why Sid never tried to sleep with him. It was probably a captain thing. 

Zhenya hadn't understood then, but he thought he was starting to now.

+

The scent of Sid’s rut was thick, coating the back of Zhenya’s throat by the time he was herding Sid through his front door. He could see the sheen of sweat breaking out on his skin even after Zhenya had let Sid soak in the empty locker room showers for a while before taking him home. 

Zhenya had one hand around his waist and he struggled to flick on the entryway lights with Sid leaning heavily against him. Zhenya had been through rut before and he knew Sid could probably stand on his own perfectly fine, but he didn’t mind indulging him. 

Zhenya’s eyebrows rose when he got a look at what was sitting on the key table. “Flowers?” Zhenya asked in surprise. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot about those,” Sid muttered. “For Valentine’s Day, I was going to tell you I thought we bonded and that I wanted to stay that way. It was going to be a whole thing, but then--” He gestured to himself. “You know, other stuff got in the way.”

Zhenya kissed him on his sweaty forehead. "Very sweet," he said and heard Sid mumble under his breath, no doubt protesting being called _sweet_.

He got Sid out of his coat and shoes and into the kitchen, pouring him a glass of water. “Here, drink,” Zhenya said. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer this time around and was pleased when Sid sucked it back in deep pulls. He refilled the cup and Sid drank that one obediently too. 

“Better?” Zhenya asked and Sid nodded. 

He swayed a bit on his feet and asked, “Can we just lie down for a bit, together?”

Zhenya grabbed a couple of bottles of Gatorade, some protein bars, and a stray banana he found on the counter and brought them all upstairs with them, dumping them on a bedside table. 

He hovered beside the bed, unsure, as he watched Sid undress... Sid had said _together_ but he had also told Zhenya quite fervently that he didn’t want to knot him. 

“Sid, you sure you want me to stay?” 

“Hmm?” Sid was kicking the sheets down with his feet, exposing his bare hips. “Yeah, of course,” he said and wrapped his fingers around Zhenya’s wrist, tugging insistently.

Zhenya untangled Sid’s fingers from his wrist and stripped down to his underwear, sliding into the bed beside him. In the dark, with the covers off, the blinds were open casting Sid in the same white halo Zhenya remembered from the car they took from Flower’s house. “You said you don’t like to knot." _Can’t_ \--Sid had said.

Sid huffed. “I was already worried I might have bonded to you, I just didn’t want to make it worse.”

Zhenya stroked his thumb over the arch of Sid’s cheekbone. “You should have just told me.”

“I felt like I had to make my case, I wanted to do it right,” Sid said, before adding, “And I uh, I didn’t know I was going into rut either which didn’t help.”

Zhenya laughed softly. “You like me so much, can’t help.”

“It’s _embarrassing_ \--” Sid protested. “But yeah, I do.” He sent Zhenya a warm smile and Zhenya snuggled closer.

“I like it,” Zhenya said. He was feeling it, too, the heady, spicy scent of Sid’s rut making him dizzy. Like rum, that smoky, earthy flavour. 

Sid reached out and grazed his hand over the curve of Zhenya’s hip, pulling him closer. His palm was so hot Zhenya wouldn’t be surprised if he was left with burn marks where Sid had touched him. “How much do you like it--”

Zhenya’s breath stuttered when he sucked in a lungful. The air around them was getting stuffy and they hadn’t even started fucking yet. “Like it a lot,” he whispered. “Like to be knotted more than once.”

“Fuck,” Sid groaned, low, almost like a moan, and shifted closer. Zhenya felt Sid’s fingers travel down his hip, till he was sliding his fingers between Zhenya’s cheeks, feeling over the soft shape of his hole, just touching him there. Zhenya pushed his knee up a bit to give Sid better access. 

“God, you’ve taken a lot of knots, haven’t you?” Sid said, like it was a fact, and Zhenya felt his face flush. 

“ _Sid._ ”

“What? You’re shy now?” Sid teased and Zheny dug his fingernails lightly into the sensitive skin of his neck.

“This is different,” Zhenya insisted.

“I’m sorry.” Sid nuzzled at him, rubbing his nose against the dip of Zhenya’s cheek. “I love how much you love it, I can smell it on you.”

“Sid,” Zhenya said again, this time pleadingly, pulling him near and letting himself be kissed pliant. Sid should have to work for it a little. He shouldn’t know that Zhenya would give him anything he wanted if he just asked for it. _Maybe he didn’t even have to ask,_ Zhenya thought, and repressed a shiver. 

Sid shifted over him, pinning Zhenya with the bulky warmth of his body. Sid dragged his nose across Zhenya’’s cheek, and over his ear, until it was planted firmly in the crook of Zhenya’s neck, huffing quietly against his skin. 

It was intoxicating. Zhenya reached down and pushed at his boxers until he could kick them off and rub his cock up against Sid’s soft stomach, the leaky head dragging a sticky trail over his abs. Zhenya felt it this time when Sid growled, his body blanketing Zhenya’s, the sound vibrating between their chests. Sid shifted his knees till he had Zhenya’s legs spread and ground down, rubbing them together until Zhenya was scratching at his back and panting. It was like the hotel room in Tampa, but entirely different and new, _better--_

“Sid, lube?” Zhenya asked. He was already hot for it and he didn’t want to have to wait any longer. 

Sid rattled around in the drawer in the bedside table for what felt like forever before he pulled out a brand-new bottle of lube, pulling off the plastic seal. Zhenya raised his eyebrows at him. 

“It was all part of the plan,” Sid said, Zhenya tried not to roll his eyes, reluctantly fond. 

Sid wedged his arm between them, his fingers slick and hot as he stretched Zhenya out. He was overly thorough for someone who was supposed to be well on his way into rut. He curled another finger into Zhenya and just kept thrusting in those short, abrupt strokes, rubbing deep over Zhenya’s prostate again and again until he was a gasping, sweaty mess.

“I’m good, Sid, I’m good,” Zhenya panted, and squirmed when Sid rumbled softly, pulling his fingers out in a slow drag, making Zhenya’s toes curl against the sheets.

Grabbing for a pillow, Zhenya shoved it hastily under his hips. He pulled his legs back and watched Sid’s eyes turn into black pits when Zhenya flashed him his lubed-up hole.

“Fuck me,” he demanded and sighed in contentment when Sid gripped him by the hip with his slick hand, pulling Zhenya farther down the bed with a jerk and settling himself back over Zhenya’s body.

The head of Sid’s cock brushed along the back of Zhenya’s thigh, making his breath catch in his throat when the slick tip grazed over his rim. Sid nuzzled gently into Zhenya’s throat, rolling his hips until he was positioned and slowly sinking his cock into Zhenya’s body, softened by Sid’s careful stretching. 

Zhenya moaned as Sid pressed himself gradually in, feeling the thud of Sid’s heartbeat and Sid’s pleased rumble as he slid in deep. It was almost too much to feel all at once, with Zhenya’s senses heightened and the caress of Sid’s emotions against his, so much more intimate and clear than ever before. Sid was thick and heavy over Zhenya and inside him as he began to thrust, filling Zhenya up until he imagined he could feel him all the way in his throat. 

Zhenya was so fucking turned on, hot for the full, unyielding feeling as Sid rocked carefully. He clung tightly to Sid’s back, probably leaving nail marks that would leave Sid’s skin red and raised for days. Just the thought of it made his gut burn and clench. He got a moment to bask in the feeling before Sid planted his knees firmly, curling over Zhenya, and began to snap his hips, deep and hard, over and over again like a metronome. The hot friction of Sid cleaving him open drove a gasp from Zhenya’s chest. 

Zhenya clenched down and relaxed around him, making the even tempo of Sid’s thrusts stutter. Sid whined above him softly and Zhenya did it again. Sid’s knot began to swell, stretching Zhenya gradually. Everything about Sid felt so good, the heat of him pressed against the backs of Zhenya’s thighs, the soft skin of his stomach rubbing over Zhenya’s cock. He moaned shamelessly, his arousal lapping at the brink, and unable to stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth. “Knot me, fuck me with it.”

Sid growled in encouragement, flattening Zhenya down against the mattress and pressing them together at every point as Sid bucked into him. Zhenya felt like he could barely breathe, overwhelmed as Sid lost his rhythm, his knot catching and finally taking hold. Zhenya whimpered when Sid’s hips didn’t stop moving. “Don’t stop, don’t stop--” he chanted and Sid didn’t, his hips pistoning as his cock continued to swell. Zhenya could feel the rumble build and pop in his chest until he was full-on purring. Sid echoed it, hitting Zhenya with wave after wave of contentment and satisfaction, like the ocean breaking against a sea wall. Zhenya gripped Sid tighter, getting dragged under with him.

Sid pulled out a little, testing the limits of his knot. It tugged on Zhenya’s rim, sending a spark of pleasure up his spine and forcing a sob out of his chest, his body tense and trembling. Sid held him tight and fucked him with his knot. Zhenya was full to the brim, clutching himself around Sid in the way he knew would make him come. Sid let out a whine above him, his hips stuttering, grinding in deep until Sid twitched and came, making the slide of his cock go warm and frictionless inside Zhenya. It was such a huge rush of feelings. 

Zhenya reached down between their bodies, wrapping his hand around his own erection. He had popped his knot. With Sid still inside him like this, the sensation of touching himself was almost too much, swollen and blood-hot under his fingertips. Sid nosed at him, still rocking into Zhenya shallowly, his knot rubbing him over and over again, hitting that same mind-numbing spot that made Zhenya feel like he was going to melt. He jerked himself off the best he could with not a lot of space to work. Sid fit his mouth over the tendon in Zhenya’s neck and before he could even ask for it or even think about it Sid was biting down. _Oh, God--_

Zhenya’s eyes screwed up and he came, sticky and wet between their bodies, struck by the intense flood of emotion Sid was giving him access to. 

Sid licked over his cheek in a way Zhenya was sure was supposed to be comforting but ended up being just kind of wet. They lay like that for a while, sweaty and stuck together. It was so hot Zhenya barely even registered it anymore. Sid continued licking at Zhenya’s sticky skin, down his neck and gingerly over the mark he had left. Every once in a while Sid’s hips would hitch and he filled Zhenya again with a warm rumble and a shudder. Zhenya gasped softly in response, petting down the spine of Sid’s sweaty back. “Good job,” he murmured. He got another slobbery lick for that but at least this one was closer to a kiss, landing somewhere around the corner of his mouth.

Eventually, Sid sagged out on top of him, his knot slowly starting to soften. “Is this okay?” came Sid’s voice hoarse and cracking halfway through. 

“Perfect,” Zhenya assured. Sid’s knot would deflate completely soon, but for now, Zhenya felt content and full, comfortable to lie here for a while at least, basking in the pleasant ache. 

Sid shifted his weight over him and Zhenya got his first real kiss in over a week. They should never leave it this long again, he decided.

"I'm going to have to go again," Sid said, fiddling with Zhenya’s hair.

"It's okay, I told you. I like it," Zhenya whispered and squeezed around Sid and got another kiss for that.

“How was the knot?” Sid asked. “Everything you’d thought it would be?”

“Better,” Zhenya said and felt Sid’s pleased warmth glow in his chest.

Sid was silent for a moment. “As good as Max?”

 _“Sid,”_ Zhenya said warningly. 

"I know. I know, I'm sorry. Bad joke." He shifted again over Zhenya, trying to get comfortable before he groaned. “God, I have to apologize to Max for being an asshat, don’t I?”

“Yes,” Zhenya agreed. 

Sid pinched him lightly and Zhenya squawked. “You weren’t supposed to agree with me.”

“What, tell lies?” Zhenya said. “ _Oh Sid, no you perfect, never be an asshole--_ That is what mate is supposed to say?”

“ _Mates--_ ” Sid breathed out and Zhenya pressed his lips tight together. He hadn’t meant to say that. 

“I know it’s too soon,” Zhenya said. His breath felt sticky in his chest and he tried to swallow past the lump. It felt impossible not to be earnest with the bond blown open like this and tied together. "But that's what I want, Sid, can't do this if it’s not serious."

Sid laid his head down against Zhenya’s shoulder, he could feel the soft brush of Sid’s nose against the sensitive spot on his neck, right over his scent gland. “It’s serious for me. It couldn’t be any other way,” Sid murmured, and Zhenya clung to him, feeling like his chest might just burst. 

"You want to know something?" Sid asked, and continued when Zhenya hummed in response. “I definitely always kind of thought of you as mine, even back then,” he admitted quietly.

“Just then?” Zhenya asks.

Sid made an inquiring noise and Zhenya explained, “You still feel like this? That I'm yours?”

“Geno--” Sid started cautiously.

“It’s okay to say,” he whispered and felt Sid swallow, and the flutter of his eyelashes against his shoulder. 

" _Yes,”_ Sid said ardently.

"My Sid," Zhenya murmured and cupped Sid's face the same way he had held him when Zhenya had slipped his knot into his mouth, kissing him because he could. Maybe then, maybe that was when the bond had taken, maybe it was before, but either way, this was only the beginning. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
